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Member of the Month - Argie

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GregP asks: So, Toby Buckland. Whatever did he do to offend?

Argie says: That Fucker destroyed GW for me. 1 min makeovers... WTAF, I would not be the least bit surprised if this alone forced Monty Don to return after his stroke.
TRO Saracen asks: If you're travelling in your car at the speed of light, and switch the headlights on, what happens?

Argie says: This is not the appropriate forum to discuss the special theory of relativity or tacyhons but I can confirm the dash will light up.
Gobi asks: Can Uniforms Not Tories save the NHS ?

Argie says: Can
Uniforms
Not
Tories

save the NHS? Not sure but probably.
Angus Clydesdale asks: Hair product after swimming. Aye or No?

Argie says: No - I always walk away from the swimming pool with my hair still wet, down and relaxed. A bit like Jesus.
Dodgem asks: Why?

Argie says: Quite.
Woffy asks: All the other cool dude lanky, long-haired lads are in Sochi trying to win gold medals, what happened to you?

Argie says: I wanted to go but they never selected me! Fuck knows why as I can go down a hill with skis on as fast as any other fucker that relies on gravity.
GimmeMedals asks: You come over as the shy, retiring type on Fetch. How would you describe yourself in real life? Be honest...

Argie says: At work I am the silver back gorilla, at home I am a miserable cunt, everywhere else I am a wallflower.
Legless asks: Do you feel that hospital trust policy can undermine nurses training? Or is that just you

Argie says: I like to think that I am a positive influence on all the nurses I come in contact with.
Stepford Wife asks: My mother would like to know how you have managed to combine so successfully the qualities of being a gentleman and a twat. Nature or nurture?

Argie says: Speaking your mind, no matter how ill informed does not excuse the need for basic manners, even if you are being a twat. I was brought up to open the door for a lady so I could catch a look at her arse thereafter.
Night-owl asks: How would you rate yourself as a patient in a hospital?

Argie says: I hate hospitals and I would be petrified to be in one.
Recoil asks: Do you beleive that the sustained campaign by Hotel residents to make you MotM was fair on the other nominees? Also have you ever tweeted without swearing?

Argie says: To be honest I know that the Hotel mafia crowned me with this shining accolade. What amazes me is that the "Downhearted and Attention Seeking" thread don't just club together and have this fucker for themselves every month?

With regards to non-swearing tweets... I might have once when I was trying to get Steph McGovern to chat to me. She's alright isn't she?
simbil asks: Why?

Argie says: Exactly
Hills of Death (HOD) asks: Do you think you'd go faster if you chopped off your mullet in the words of the Muhammed Ali to the late Oscar Bonavena 'why you no cut your hair'

Argie says: Girls will tell you that swishy hair makes them go faster. I agree.
Mother T asks: Would All New Kettles Enter Rehab when they saw you trying to purchase them

Argie says: Your attempt to force WANKER in your question backfired as the question made no sense. You need to attend your local college on a creative writing course? :-)
runningmumof3boys asks: Whats beunos Aires like this time of year and whats your favourite swear word?

Argie says: Buenos Aires is lovely right now as there is no Junta and we have Sarah Palin as president.

My favorite is pissflaps, its sort of left field and no one expects it. I want to drive forward a twitter campaign to see #dicksplash back in regular use.
mushroom asks: Would you prefer to be asked a running related question?

Argie says: Crikey No! I hate running, would happily answer a swimming or turbo trainer one though.
ogee asks: I'm asking two as we all need to know the answer to the first one. Why won't you go public on your Twitter feed? And a running, tri-athlete related one, which is your favourite discipline out of the three & why? Ok so technically that's 3 but who's counting.

Argie says: My twitter feed is private and therefore I can be a bit more honest/obnoxious, therefore I don't want that shit banded around all over the place.

I fucking love swimming, its a discipline that doesn't just require physical strength but also a good technique. Also you get to soak in Chlorine which I am sure is good for you?
richmac asks: How long after a general anesthetic can one reasonably wait before a good poo?

Argie says: A lot of people don't even wait to wake up. We are kind and don't let them know that they are filthy beasts. If you have had a colostomy formed you will never have good poo. :-(
AJH asks: Why are you so wistful at cross country?

Argie says: "wistful" and "fucked" often look very similar.
MissChappo asks: Is your alter ego @swearingtravel?

Argie says: no but I have several altered egos, Bryn T is my favourite and most celebrated.
Bru-Bru asks: Which is best- Basildon or the NHS? Congrats, by the way

Argie says: Basildon will be there for you from Cradle to Grave, the NHS is temporary. Basildon is therefore the best.
Hendo asks: What's the most inappropriate question you've ever been asked, and what was your answer?

Argie says: Someone once asked me if I would like to do Culford Triathlon? I said "No".
Nellers asks: If Laurent Fingon's pony tail cost him the 1989 Tour De France due to the increased wind resistance, how much would you beat the Brownlees by if you got a haircut?

Argie says: Without a sibling of similar capacity to me, who was willing to share the work and verbally abuse everyone else in the group. I wouldn't stand a hope of beating them with or without my hair.
Wazelle asks: Do you think they tease you about your hair because they are jealous?

Argie says: Yes. You will note that each one of them is either bald or has the haircut of a corporate lackey.
buttscratcher asks: If you were to be eaten alive by an animal of your choosing which animal would you choose

Argie says: Busty Brenda (£20 without)
Ted asks: As an NHS professional what First Aid advice would you give to someone treating a choking victim and how would that advice change if the person choking was ginger?

Argie says: LOLZ Ted. You know the score.
cabletow asks: How many muscles does it take to boil an egg?

Argie says: 0

Previous Winners

2018
December Jigs
November K5 Gus
October Fellrunning
September LindsD
August Helegant
July Dvorak
June run free
May Sigh
April katypie
March Ness
February DocMoye
January Fenland Flier
2017
December Valyrian Plastic
November westmoors
October Windsor Wool
September Joopsy
August Hills of Death (HOD)
July GlennR
June LazyDaisy
May James74
April Doctor K
March Flatlander
February Night-owl
January .B.
2016
December jono.
November Corrah
October The Scribbler
September Big Al Widepants
August Gromit
July HellsBells
June Roobarb
May Nelly
April postieboy
March AntClark
February clare1976
January Duchess
2015
December ChrisHB
November Race Jase
October fetcheveryone
September Columba
August Carpathius
July Autumnleaves
June Tizer
May KinkyS
April kwala
March McGoohan
February Canute
January D2
2014
December Fleecy
November Sharkie
October runningmumof3boys
September swittle
August Irontubs
July MikeR.
June KinkyS
May RevBarbaraG
April Marigold
March becca7
February max71
January ogee
2013
December Argie
November neems
October Avon
September curly45
August Liliaicha
July CC2 Speedy Goth
June Bintmcskint
May Foxy
April flanker
March The Terminator
February Johnny Blaze
January Mother Duck
2012
December Toks
November _andy
October Paul the Builder
September Nellers
August Northern Exile
July Fenland Runner
June runnerbean
May Ultra Kanga Kazzaaaaah!!
April GimmeMedals
March Lyra OK
February Elsie Too
January Smout
2011
December richmac
November hellen
October LouLou
September Sunbed Athlete
August Nywanda
July Phoenix Lesley
June Dave A
May ogee
April BigChiefRunningBore
March Mrs Jigs
February Chromey
January John66
2010
December Loca
November Gymfreak
October Happy G(rrr)
September Foxy Davy
August GregP
July Binks
June Tiggia
May Lisrun
April Anna Finn
March Santababy
February Hendo
January Homer
2009
December Puddington
November NaomiP
October McNewbie
September Loon Dod
August B.B.
July Pestomum
June Controversial
May Boab
April Velociraptor
March Zoom
February eL Bee!
January Trin
2008
December mad4purple
November RuthB2
October No.8™
September Cavey
August KinkyS
July JenJ
June Forest Faerie
May Shades
April mic
March Stumpy2
February Oldbiddy
January Old Mum
2007
December IanM
November SarahL
October Girlie
September Jock Itch
August Plodding Hippo
July Buzzard's Sis
June cabletow
May Rach E
April micknphil

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