Support thread for parents of teenagers

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Christmas’ Dad Dec 2021 11:19am, 18 Dec 2021 1,827 posts	0 Christmas’ Dad Perfect description of any tween, I think Purps. It does get better (eventually)
Purps Dec 2021 11:27am, 18 Dec 2021 38,792 posts	0 Purps It's hard to know if she really is that grumpy or if she's putting it on. I do know she really is grumpy and annoyed and everything else a tween is, coupled with parents who are getting unmarried. I just don't know how much is forced or if that's how she is feeling. It's hard. How can you get them to stop speaking like that?
Christmas’ Dad Dec 2021 11:45am, 18 Dec 2021 1,829 posts	0 Christmas’ Dad How can you get them to stop speaking like that? Anyone who had the answer to that question could become very rich! 😬 It is hard, especially when you have your own stuff going on. Sadly at that age they tend to just react how they feel in the instant and, of course, nobody else’s feelings come into it. From experience the best approach is to try to stay as calm in your reactions as possible. It won’t always make an obvious difference to your tween but, if nothing else, it reduces your stress levels
Christmas’ Dad Dec 2021 11:47am, 18 Dec 2021 1,830 posts	0 Christmas’ Dad And occasionally they’ll surprise you and the lovely child you used to have will suddenly reappear, like a glimpse of sun on a stormy day.
Serendippily Dec 2021 11:57am, 18 Dec 2021 24,716 posts	0 Serendippily Yes CD I agree. Rustle up humour and a light touch if you can, it tends to get you further. And even if their siblings loathe them, they’ll still all gang up together when they need to xx
Fields & fountain, moor & mountain Dec 2021 11:58am, 18 Dec 2021 1,318 posts	0 Fields & fountain, moor & mountain My brother is still like that aged 37, instant overreactions not considering anyone else’s feelings. It’s very tiresome.
halfpint of mulled cider Dec 2021 1:51pm, 18 Dec 2021 36,360 posts	0 halfpint of mulled cider As others have said a calm response is best - modelling calm is what they need really. I used to use 'I know you are angry/frustrated/upset but it's not OK to talk to me like that' quite a lot. Along with 'we can talk about this when we're calmer'. According to Erickson part of forming your own identity seems to be to reject or distance yourself from those who would previously have been quite influential in your life. So pushing against parents and siblings can be part of development. Plus you have that whole re-organisation of the brain which affects executive function and therefore self control and perspective taking.
halfpint of mulled cider Dec 2021 1:52pm, 18 Dec 2021 36,361 posts	0 halfpint of mulled cider ION QP got his time off over Christmas so I get to have him home from 23rd to 26th He'll be with his mates for his birthday though.
LindsD Dec 2021 2:54pm, 18 Dec 2021 51,589 posts	0 LindsD Good news HP
Serendippily Dec 2021 2:55pm, 18 Dec 2021 24,724 posts	0 Serendippily Yay! And thanks as ever for advice HP. I’ll try and remember the “we’re”. Also everyone is wiped out