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Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

91 watchers

Carpathius 16 Oct 10:52am, 16 Oct 2019 17854 posts	Carpathius My previous post vanished into the ether, but I'm so glad she called to apologise Mandy. Don't get sucked in to being the one who makes this arrangement work. It needs to work or fail with her. (((LG)))
oldbiddynandi 16 Oct 2:33pm, 16 Oct 2019 27534 posts	oldbiddynandi Better news MM LazyDaisy, I'm not. I have a terrifically overblown sense of guilt , Mum is a narcissist with Dementia and she still has a ridiculous place in my life. Or rather our lives. My Father facilitated her behaviour and as a result my brother and sister have distanced themselves. After her last name calling session I did say I was done . However she said she'd be good (she can still remember how to use her passive aggressive vocab !!) One strike and it's a home but she won't be self funding as Dad made some rather odd financial decisions so I'm guessing we'll get little support. Still bemused we are in this situation really.
TomahawkMike 16 Oct 8:54pm, 16 Oct 2019 2361 posts	TomahawkMike My MiL isn't self funding and the support, once you get through the maze of who to talk to about what, has been pretty ok both financially (ie it just happens at the end of the process and carries on) and good support via social workers (until she had a spell in hospital). It's stressful when you don't know who to ask what at the beginning. It's like running around the tube without a map at first. But, unlike brexit there is a light at the end of the tunnel that slowly gets bigger
TomahawkMike 16 Oct 8:57pm, 16 Oct 2019 2362 posts	TomahawkMike Ps.. the lady who fell in the garden and accidentally called us for help isn't doing well. She broke a recently replaced hip and her wrist and it's affecting her mentally, poor thing. Real concern for her from the letting agents (decent company).
Little Miss Happy 17 Oct 6:39am, 17 Oct 2019 1714 posts	Little Miss Happy Blimey that sounds difficult oldbiddy. Does she have a formal dementia diagnosis? That's the first step to accessing the funding. That's a shame Mike.
oldbiddynandi 17 Oct 8:46am, 17 Oct 2019 27535 posts	oldbiddynandi LMH yes, it's vascular dementia and she does get Attendance Allowance. OT to visit today !!
Mandymoo 17 Oct 8:54am, 17 Oct 2019 9000 posts	Mandymoo Good luck with the OT visit THMike that's a shame regarding the lady who fell. I need to pluck up the courage to ring mother and see how she is but she has apparently been moaning that she is not getting any care package - errrm that is what happens when you discharge yourself from hospital........
Little Miss Happy 17 Oct 11:20am, 17 Oct 2019 1717 posts	Little Miss Happy I hope the OT visit is productive. Don't do it if you don't want to Mandy.

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About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD

I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

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