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Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

91 watchers
16 Oct
10:52am, 16 Oct 2019
17854 posts
My previous post vanished into the ether, but I'm so glad she called to apologise Mandy. Don't get sucked in to being the one who makes this arrangement work. It needs to work or fail with her.

16 Oct
2:33pm, 16 Oct 2019
27534 posts
Better news MM

LazyDaisy, I'm not. I have a terrifically overblown sense of guilt , Mum is a narcissist with Dementia and she still has a ridiculous place in my life. Or rather our lives. My Father facilitated her behaviour and as a result my brother and sister have distanced themselves.
After her last name calling session I did say I was done .
However she said she'd be *good* (she can still remember how to use her passive aggressive vocab !!) One strike and it's a home but she won't be self funding as Dad made some rather odd financial decisions so I'm guessing we'll get little support. Still bemused we are in this situation really.
16 Oct
8:54pm, 16 Oct 2019
2361 posts
My MiL isn't self funding and the support, once you get through the maze of who to talk to about what, has been pretty ok both financially (ie it just happens at the end of the process and carries on) and good support via social workers (until she had a spell in hospital). It's stressful when you don't know who to ask what at the beginning. It's like running around the tube without a map at first. But, unlike brexit there is a light at the end of the tunnel that slowly gets bigger
16 Oct
8:57pm, 16 Oct 2019
2362 posts
Ps.. the lady who fell in the garden and accidentally called us for help isn't doing well. She broke a recently replaced hip and her wrist and it's affecting her mentally, poor thing. Real concern for her from the letting agents (decent company).
17 Oct
6:39am, 17 Oct 2019
1714 posts
Little Miss Happy
Blimey that sounds difficult oldbiddy. Does she have a formal dementia diagnosis? That's the first step to accessing the funding.

That's a shame Mike.
17 Oct
8:46am, 17 Oct 2019
27535 posts
LMH yes, it's vascular dementia and she does get Attendance Allowance.
OT to visit today !!
17 Oct
8:54am, 17 Oct 2019
9000 posts
Good luck with the OT visit

THMike that's a shame regarding the lady who fell.

I need to pluck up the courage to ring mother and see how she is but she has apparently been moaning that she is not getting any care package - errrm that is what happens when you discharge yourself from hospital........
17 Oct
11:20am, 17 Oct 2019
1717 posts
Little Miss Happy
I hope the OT visit is productive.

Don't do it if you don't want to Mandy.

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About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)

Other useful links



Who pays for residential care? Information here:


Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.