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Support thread for parents of teenagers

1 lurker | 136 watchers
21 Oct
10:12pm, 21 Oct 2021
53308 posts
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DrPhleecingD
Kaysdee: I wrote a blog about the Aspergers terminology, I had no idea that the term came with so much negative historical baggage :(

It is really really shit though that you’re only listened to and accommodated with a diagnosis. The word ‘spectrum’ should give it away that everyone is on it so they should be able to deal with individuals rather than diagnoses, what happens if you’re not quite far enough onto the spectrum to get diagnosed? Ugh
21 Oct
11:09pm, 21 Oct 2021
256 posts
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kaysdee
I’ve been guilty of using Asperger’s in relation to him, but have since read up on the Nazi connotations and surrounding issues.

I feel like I need to be educated on terminology. I don’t want to reduce him to a label and that’s coming from a position of feeling very comfortable with language in reference to S17.

S14 - it is so obvious when I look over his development in hindsight - but I just missed things when he was very young as there is nothing “wrong” with him. His peculiarities just made him who he is. He’s continually flown under the radar as an extremely polite young man. He is very intelligent, having tested on the 99.7th percentile on one of his assessments (forget the name), but he would tell you there is nothing special about him.

He doesn’t perform well academically and struggles to write (would knock your socks off in conversation), but very socially awkward, intensely frustrated when things are against the rules, has many, many sensory issues, insomnia, hyper mobility and pretty sure he might also have dyspraxia. I could go on. He’s an amazing kid and very self aware… having a label makes zero difference in who he is - he just wants his school to *see* who he is and stop forcing/expecting him to be able to mould into someone he isn’t.

I’m guilty of that in the past too. I feel awful for all the times when he was younger that I accused him of ignoring me because he wasn’t looking at me, removing all his fidget stuff to try to get him to focus on homework, trying to control his body movements and stop touching the walls in moving around the house. I just didn’t know. I’ve had some fascinating conversations with him over the past couple of years to try to understand his perspective and how he processes things. He had me astonished when he explained why he didn’t use punctuation. I thought he genuinely didn’t know how - he looked at me like I was crazy and told me of course he does - he simply doesn’t feel like it’s necessary as everyone should just “know” and it’s quicker for him to write without it 😆
21 Oct
11:53pm, 21 Oct 2021
23780 posts
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Serendippily
Some of that is similar for my daughter although she hasn’t been assessed yet. I genuinely don’t know: there are multiple cousins diagnosed on both sides of the family so it’s possible. She certainly masks and she is certainly highly stressed.
22 Oct
6:25am, 22 Oct 2021
5106 posts
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Little Miss Happy
I'm hope this gets him the support that he needs kaysdee.

It's money Fleecy - it would be lovely if we could give everyone everything they needed but until we're in that position as a society then there has to be some form of gatekeeping unfortunately

Serendippily - I did quite a lot of research about presentation and diagnosis in girls a few years ago (ok, a decade - where did that go!) when I did my PGC in Autism. There should be enough known about it now for that to not prevent her from getting a diagnosis.
22 Oct
7:28am, 22 Oct 2021
23781 posts
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Serendippily
We have been referred and we are paying privately so it won’t be long. Genuinely quite interested to know. I am so glad we went for counselling. Worth me being a bit mucked up and this knowing it could help, eh
22 Oct
8:24am, 22 Oct 2021
53309 posts
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DrPhleecingD
LMH: I know it’s money, but ultimately it’s also having a really fucking stupid educational system which expects all kids to fit into the same box
22 Oct
8:24am, 22 Oct 2021
53310 posts
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DrPhleecingD
And I hope it helps, Dipps x
22 Oct
8:30am, 22 Oct 2021
1590 posts
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jelly (limegreenjelly)
As an adult with aspergers I think it’s a question of choice, my diagnosis still used the term!

Been in the process for my 10 year old for 2 years!

It must be such a relief!
I was hoping Mads would be diagnosed before he goes to high school in September!
22 Oct
8:38am, 22 Oct 2021
13674 posts
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ITG 🇮🇸
Good news, Kays! Hope you find it easier to get support and accommodation now. It is so frustrating how hard it is to get through the door when all kids should be accepted without needing a label.
8:47am
8:47am, 25 Oct 2021
13696 posts
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ITG 🇮🇸
K has just started college and I just got copied on a post about his mandatory health course (which I didn't know he had). Getting outside in limited winter daylight, good sleep and mental health.

Yay! If it had come from me, he would have ignored it.

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About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
Thread was started by Trin, back when her kids were in their teens.

A place to vent, but also to share good news.

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