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Apr 2011
1:33pm, 1 Apr 2011
1,863 posts
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Wine Legs
Woman says:
If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut.
But when a man sleeps with 8 girls, everyone calls him a real man.
How come?
Confucius say,
"When one lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it's a bad lock.
But when one key can open 8 different locks, we call it a Master Key"
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Apr 2011
6:58pm, 1 Apr 2011
2,401 posts
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richmac (40 in 40)
In honour of the late great Eddie Stobart 'they' are going to make a film of his life.
It looks good.
I've seen the trailer.
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Apr 2011
9:28pm, 1 Apr 2011
505 posts
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jwellis
Supposedly said by Silvio Berlusconi:
"According to a survey, when asked if they would like to have sex with me, 30 per cent of women said 'Yes' while the other 70 per cent replied 'What, again?' "
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Apr 2011
11:47pm, 1 Apr 2011
2,214 posts
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Ginnersinner
Two female police officers were out on patrol with their alsatians one night. One turns to the other and says 'I'm cold, I've left my knickers at the station by mistake.' The other one says 'Give your dog a sniff of your fanny and he'll go back to the nick and fetch them.' So she does, and off goes the dog. About ten minutes later he comes back carrying two truncheons, a broom and three of the desk sergeant's fingers.
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Apr 2011
4:44pm, 2 Apr 2011
4,311 posts
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Binks
12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio
1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'
5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'
11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
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Apr 2011
5:01pm, 2 Apr 2011
4,312 posts
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Binks
People from Norfolk, don't forget that it's Valentines Day tomorrow.
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Apr 2011
5:16pm, 2 Apr 2011
2,403 posts
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richmac (40 in 40)
PMSL @ Binks *high 6*
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Apr 2011
5:22pm, 2 Apr 2011
9,098 posts
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Ted
I do hope that Forest Faerie sees this page. (links on Twitter)
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Apr 2011
9:27pm, 2 Apr 2011
3,975 posts
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Bez-head
I was at a disco last night enjoying myself and dancing. DJ played "Jump" so I jumped. DJ then played "Sit down" so I sat down. DJ then played "Come on Eileen". I was then thrown out!
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Apr 2011
2:39pm, 3 Apr 2011
2,410 posts
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richmac (40 in 40)
Controversy is surrounding the late Eddie Stobbart as the Post Mort em has reveledthat he was HGV positive.
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021