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F'Laps - Saturday 5th July

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Joke of the day........

507 watchers
HarkyHarkHark
HarkyHarkHark
Dec 2020
8:17am, 9 Dec 2020
13,543 posts
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HarkyHarkHark
Why does Father Christmas use reindeer to pull his sleigh? Shouldn't they be called santalopes instead?
Rudolf the RedNosedGroundhog
Rudolf the RedNosedGroundhog
Dec 2020
8:19am, 9 Dec 2020
1,649 posts
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Rudolf the RedNosedGroundhog
When I run a race I like to wear my lucky pants. I've had them for 10 years and I'm sticking to them.
WildeRover
WildeRover
Dec 2020
8:20am, 9 Dec 2020
4,090 posts
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WildeRover
We've been enjoying penguin jokes in work (via Teams) this year. Here is my favourite.

What was the first emperor penguin called?
Julius Freezer
Badger
Badger
Dec 2020
8:20am, 9 Dec 2020
13,128 posts
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Badger
Two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes even higher up than we thought!”
McGoohan
McGoohan
Dec 2020
8:21am, 9 Dec 2020
47,589 posts
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McGoohan
Whatever you do, don't leave Alexa switched on when you're about to have sex.

On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy 13 jars of cumin?
Badger
Badger
Dec 2020
8:21am, 9 Dec 2020
13,129 posts
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Badger
Or if you’d rather something non political:

What do you need to fix a broken brass instrument?
Tuba glue
HarkyHarkHark
HarkyHarkHark
Dec 2020
8:34am, 9 Dec 2020
13,546 posts
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HarkyHarkHark
Santa has been suffering from terrible chapped lips - all that high speed sleigh driving in all weathers and the change in climates as he zips around the globe, I expect.

Anyway, finally, he's had enough, so he stops the sleigh, walks up to Rudolph's behind, lifts up his stubby little tail, and kisses the reindeer smack in the butthole!

After he's got over the shock, Rudolph asks Santa what that was for, and Santa explains that his chapped lips are really, really bothering him.

"Will that help cure them, then, Santa?" asks Rudolph.

"No," said Santa, "but it'll stop me licking them until I get home."
Velocirappingpaper
Velocirappingpaper
Dec 2020
8:46am, 9 Dec 2020
50,318 posts
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Velocirappingpaper
Did ye hear aboot the man that swallit a hunner bricks? He's awa' noo.
Wintryfree Wonderland
Wintryfree Wonderland
Dec 2020
8:50am, 9 Dec 2020
1,888 posts
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Wintryfree Wonderland
Which athlete is warmest in the winter?

A long jumper.
mistletoe minardi and wine
mistletoe minardi and wine
Dec 2020
8:51am, 9 Dec 2020
6,162 posts
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mistletoe minardi and wine
[I'm guessing today's Fetchvent challenge is to tell a "joke"]

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