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Joke of the day........

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colindglen Feb 2021 7:38pm, 22 Feb 2021 1,486 posts	Quote Pin colindglen The life is draining out of me
McGoohan Feb 2021 7:44pm, 22 Feb 2021 48,656 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan My wife isn't talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday... I'm not sure how. I didn't even know it was her birthday!
McGoohan Feb 2021 7:44pm, 22 Feb 2021 48,657 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink.... No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the cinema!
McGoohan Feb 2021 7:45pm, 22 Feb 2021 48,658 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan Got my first grey pubic hair today... Unfortunately it was in my Big Mac
McGoohan Feb 2021 7:48pm, 22 Feb 2021 48,659 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan It’s never nice if a stranger gives you the finger, because then you know you have to take the ransom note seriously.
Silent Runner Feb 2021 8:56pm, 22 Feb 2021 417 posts	Quote Pin Silent Runner The government announced today that two people will be allowed to meet outdoors from the 8th of March. The names of the two people have not yet been revealed.
Lizzie Whizz Feb 2021 9:51pm, 22 Feb 2021 24,566 posts	Quote Pin Lizzie Whizz Did you know that the actor, Yul Brynner, was a lifelong Liverpool fan? And did you know he never used aftershave? That's right, Yul never wore cologne.
minardi Feb 2021 8:45am, 23 Feb 2021 6,366 posts	Quote Pin minardi I phoned my boss this morning. "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now." "What?" He answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's 5 o' clock in the morning! What are you doing on a train?" "You tell me," I replied. "You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning!"
minardi Feb 2021 4:04pm, 23 Feb 2021 6,367 posts	Quote Pin minardi While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay? As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for. "I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head." "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
Mushroom Feb 2021 4:32pm, 23 Feb 2021 1,504 posts	Quote Pin Mushroom Just been chased down the street by a maniacal cardio-vascular surgeon brandishing a scalpel. A man after my own heart..