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Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

152 watchers
Feb 2024
8:45am, 17 Feb 2024
6,937 posts
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Little Miss Happy
You do deserve a holiday Big G and just because you're related to your dad doesn't mean you have to like him! I'm probably in the minority but I don't think we should feel obliged to look after/be nice to/interact/whatever with people we would not choose to just because we are related to them. Having said that it took me a long time to come to terms with needing to estrange myself from my own family to protect myself and I do miss having a family, just not mine.
Feb 2024
8:59am, 17 Feb 2024
28,383 posts
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Lizzie W
Thanks to everyone
Home at 4...
Dr not worried. Glad to get a normal ECG & CT head. I said I wasn't happy about BP & Dr acknowledged high BP could cause some of his symptoms so follow up with GP! He's definitely a level older than he was 2 weeks ago though.
You know I'm a big fan of the NHS but it's so inefficient, argh.

Strength to all
Feb 2024
9:04am, 17 Feb 2024
51,745 posts
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EvilPixie
Hugs Lizzie

Mum said no one saw, the vet’s reception area was empty. But someone saw her once she had hot up and filled in a H&S form!

I do sometimes wonder if I can believe her … which is sad
Feb 2024
11:54am, 17 Feb 2024
6,938 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Sounds mostly good Lizzie.

I'd say that you know that you can't take what she says at face value Pixie - she's demonstrated that repeatedly with her 'I haven't spoken to anyone' comments and the like.
Feb 2024
11:59am, 17 Feb 2024
51,753 posts
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EvilPixie
Very true
jda
Feb 2024
12:06pm, 17 Feb 2024
16,509 posts
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jda
It does sound weird EP - I would bet on the truth being a bit more prosaic. As was the case for FiL's fall once we pieced together what had happened (ie that it was outside the house in a busy area where he was immediately seen and rescued by passers-by).

A bit more sense from the hospital this morning, it sounds like someone decided it was a good time to whip off the x-fix and it's being replaced by a cast. Only a local anaesthetic. No idea how long the cast stays or whether/when he might be able to use his arm a bit more. Not really clear why they abruptly brought it forward a whole 2 days (there was no hint of this at the time of our visit) but maybe they just realised they had spare capacity.

My wife is finding all the random updates and info to be a bit stressful...
Feb 2024
12:19pm, 17 Feb 2024
3,274 posts
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Big_G
Happy G, thanks. Funnily my OH has said similar. I was actually welling up a bit talking about some of the memories to her, which was a bit of a shock to me (and to her I think). But I don’t know what good it would do. What do I want from it? If he acknowledged it but then was upset, I don’t know if that is what I want. I know that he wanted the best for me as a kid in his own way, but he was pretty tough as well. And what he wanted didn’t necessarily align with what I may have wanted.

LMH, thanks too. There is a small chance that it may come to a point where I do leave and move further away. OH is a vet and particularly a zoo vet, and if something came up that excited her somewhere else in the country, I wouldn’t want this responsibility with Dad to stop us going. It may never happen as she is happy where she is for now, but I don’t want to hold her back if an opportunity does present itself.
Feb 2024
3:54pm, 17 Feb 2024
74,076 posts
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Lip Gloss
My dad lived down south for at least 60 years but when his wife died 5 years ago ( he had no one down there really a few friends and M’s 3 daughters ) we tried to get him to move back closer to the 4 of us, 6 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and his best friend but he turned round and said he had nothing to return home for!! That kind of deal for me. I was civil but that was about it.
Feb 2024
4:27pm, 17 Feb 2024
18,374 posts
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Mandymoo
My dad have had some very frank conversations over the last few weeks since Jen passed away. Obviously not meeting him till I was 18 we both missed out on a lot but its good that I can tell him how I feel etc and he listens. Will never have the same relationship with him as he does my brother (Jen was his mum) and he obviously grew up with them both but we both accept that.
Feb 2024
9:33pm, 17 Feb 2024
66,715 posts
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LindsD
Thank you all and especially BigG. I feel very similarly to you and can totally empathise. I know I can't talk to my Mum about it as she can't deal with conflict and just blames the other person.

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk
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