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Joke of the day........

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TomahawkMike Dec 2020 10:10am, 9 Dec 2020 3,120 posts	Quote Pin TomahawkMike The government of Egypt has instructed Taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their horns. It's hoped that a return to familiar city sounds will help restore calm following the pandemic. Operation "Toot N Calm Em" will last for a week.
faithfulred Dec 2020 10:11am, 9 Dec 2020 533 posts	Quote Pin faithfulred How do you make a dog drink? Put it in the blender
McGoohan Dec 2020 10:14am, 9 Dec 2020 47,596 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan I got stung in one of those scams where you pay a sum into a scheme every month, but then at the end you find out there's nothing left in the pot for you. National Insurance.
Gogsy! Dec 2020 10:19am, 9 Dec 2020 560 posts	Quote Pin Gogsy! Why didn't Santa like having to isolate for 14 days? Claustrophobia.
chrismasteeniee Dec 2020 10:22am, 9 Dec 2020 13 posts	Quote Pin chrismasteeniee Why was the snowman rummaging through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
lammo Dec 2020 10:26am, 9 Dec 2020 10,308 posts	Quote Pin lammo Nico has been watching Gary Delaney
McGoohan Dec 2020 10:26am, 9 Dec 2020 47,597 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan An Alien walks into a bar. The landlord asks "Pint of bitter?" "No thanks," says the Alien "I'm into Stella."
McGoohan Dec 2020 10:26am, 9 Dec 2020 47,598 posts	Quote Pin McGoohan Aged 10) blow and make a wish = birthday cake Aged 40) blow and make a wish = breathalyzer
LorraineS Dec 2020 10:27am, 9 Dec 2020 34,369 posts	Quote Pin LorraineS What do you call a man with a puffin on his head? Cliff
um 🎄 Dec 2020 10:34am, 9 Dec 2020 3,822 posts	Quote Pin um 🎄 Updating an old one for modern politic satire ... (or not) Boris is flying off to meet Ursula von der Leyen for the final last chance Brexit talks. He was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on the plane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and replied, "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said Boris, "How about these Brexit conditions and compromises?" "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little dry pellets, while a cow turns out a flat squishy patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" Boris, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss Brexit when you don't know shit?"