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Jun 2017
9:02pm, 13 Jun 2017
82 posts
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Brig
Good call .B. After having mum with me for 4 days whilst she was inbetween houses she announced she didn't want to leave 😱 I told her that if she didn't I would! After a lifetime of being at odds with her there is no way I could or would look after her. I know I need to stand firm on all of this as my brothers are "well meaning but ineffective"
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Jun 2017
9:09pm, 13 Jun 2017
11,431 posts
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Bazoaxe
I am watching this thread as MiL, aged 83, has been going downhill for a few years but strongly wants to retain her independence. We have had loads of ups and downs and she is incredibly thrawn. However at some stage a decision will be required and it wont be popular. I hope thats many years off. However she is prone to falling and one of these days the damage will be more than just superficial. It is an incredibly difficult situation and there have been some very challenging times.
My own parents aged 70 still seem to be in good shape, and in fact my Dad seems to be trying to emulate my running obsession by swimming a mile each day and still working 2 days per week to fund holidays
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Jun 2017
10:17pm, 13 Jun 2017
7,531 posts
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Duchess
Just watching, but thank you for sharing your stories. Mine are both going to turn 80 in a few months time and while both reasonably healthy (mum has arthritis and lots of minor ailments) they both seem to have got very old in the last year or two. They still live in the big family house they bought before I was born, in a village with no services or transport links. I'm over 300 miles away, my single brother less than 10 minutes away but wouldn't be either practically or emotionally useful if needed. Dad is still sharp mentally but mum is starting to wander, forgetting things or repeating herself. They haven't spent a night apart in over 40 years, or more than a few hours since they both retired in the early 90's. I can see the shadows that are going to fall over the next few years and I don't want to. And I feel as guilty as fuck alongside friends who would give anything to have a few hours with their parents.
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Jun 2017
11:11pm, 13 Jun 2017
8,609 posts
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Maz Heeps
My 75 year old mum was widowed about 12 years ago and lives in her wee council granny bungalow.
A few health scares have robbed her confidence and she won't venture anywhere unaccompanied.
I'm the youngest of 5, and I am the closest to her.
We are trying to get a 3 bedroom council property, giving up my 2 bed and her 1, in the hope that I can be her day to day support in real time.
Rather than the obligation to visit every day eating into my free time.
I do her washing, I take her big shopping and do her incidental shopping, she does my (small amount of) ironing, we have her dog full time so he gets walks, but she minds him while I work, but it's the reassurances every day that take my time.
I think we would co-exist ok in a. If enough house....
She gets so lonely. Her mood is really frustrating sometimes and I haven't got time to placate her....
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Jun 2017
11:13pm, 13 Jun 2017
8,610 posts
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Maz Heeps
*a big enough house
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Jun 2017
11:34pm, 13 Jun 2017
17,601 posts
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LindsD
Fetch is a special place. Thanks to everyone and (())
Just come back from the hospital. Dad is to have his procedure tomorrow. It's minor and will make him a lot more comfortable. Talking to him about his funeral arrangements makes me feel physically sick but I know I'm lucky to have the opportunity.
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Jun 2017
11:35pm, 13 Jun 2017
17,602 posts
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LindsD
33 watchers. Blimey.
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Jun 2017
12:14am, 14 Jun 2017
2,182 posts
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Serendippily
(()) Linds
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Jun 2017
7:36am, 14 Jun 2017
3,975 posts
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minardi
Oh Linds, that must have been tough xx
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Jun 2017
7:37am, 14 Jun 2017
1,880 posts
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westmoors
(()) to everyone that needs them.
When I saw my mum a couple of months ago, she told me that she didn't want me, my sister or brother looking after her. She has told all of us individually that if she is unable to care for herself we should put her into a home. She has even put the request in writing in case she puts up a fight when the time comes  I think she finds it a strain with my grandparents (her in laws) and doesn't want us to have the same burden.
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