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Apr 2020
1:44pm, 6 Apr 2020
13,189 posts
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Jock Itch
Little quiz for you.
Which 80s band sang these songs?
A- The Look of Love
B- Poison Arrow
C- All of my Heart
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Apr 2020
1:47pm, 6 Apr 2020
13,857 posts
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richmac
I trained my dog to bring me larger. Don't think he liked doing it though, always seemed to be bitter.
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Apr 2020
3:27pm, 6 Apr 2020
410 posts
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Mountkeen
A larger what?
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Apr 2020
3:29pm, 6 Apr 2020
25,446 posts
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JulesR
A larger word?
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Apr 2020
3:30pm, 6 Apr 2020
411 posts
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Mountkeen
This drinking at home rather than the pub isn't working out for me.
Last night I nearly asked the wife for her phone number............
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Apr 2020
3:46pm, 6 Apr 2020
30,803 posts
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Old Croc
Trump has a heart attack. He goes straight to Hell where the Devil is waiting.
Devil says, "You're on my list but I have no room for you, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!"
The Devil opened a third door. Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor; arms staked over his head and legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Trump looked at this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled, "Monica, you're free to go!"
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Apr 2020
6:04pm, 6 Apr 2020
5,712 posts
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daz1927
Got my annual blowjob from the wife last night.
I put the Christmas tree up and the Queen on the telly. She scratched her head a little but got on with it.
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Apr 2020
6:48pm, 6 Apr 2020
5,713 posts
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daz1927
Meatloaf is getting married again. He's engaged to his accountant. Apparently she'll do anything for love, but she won't do VAT.
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Apr 2020
6:51pm, 6 Apr 2020
39,485 posts
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Derby Tup
Terrible
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Apr 2020
7:03pm, 6 Apr 2020
12,152 posts
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Cerrertonia
[If we're recycling jokes about musicians of the past]
Bob Marley has asked me to do his hair for him........
I'm dreading it.
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021