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7 Jun
2:42pm, 7 Jun 2025
57,019 posts
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Mrs Jigs (Luverlylegs)
Does anyone know any solicitors who specialise is sueing newspapers for deformation?
Response: Presumably you mean defamation or has a newspaper somehow deformed you?
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7 Jun
8:02pm, 7 Jun 2025
27,510 posts
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larkim
Popped into a café in XXXXXXX this morning – not naming it because I might have to go back in disguise. Thought I’d have a quiet tea and toast, regroup a bit. It’s been a long week.
I sit down. All normal. Two women near the counter arguing about whether jam counts as one of your five-a-day. Standard. Then this bloke walks in with a tortoise. Not a small one either… proper lump of a thing. No lead, just holding it under one arm like a clutch bag.
He sits down two tables away. Orders a latte and a bowl of water for “Trevor.” the few people in the cafe pretending this isn’t weird, which only makes it worse. I’m watching Trevor try to escape under the radiator while his owner’s buttering a scone.
Then… and I swear on my toast this happened, he takes a foil crown out of his coat and puts it on the tortoise. Says, “He’s in charge now.”
At this point, I’m texting people. I need a witness. No one replies. Of course they don’t. I’m in XXXXXXX watching a man crown a tortoise in a café and my phone signal vanishes.
Then it escalates. He pulls out a little speaker, presses play, and Land of Hope and Glory starts blasting out. Not quietly either! He stands up – stands up! – and salutes the tortoise.
I think XXXXXXX has peaked. I think it’s over.
It’s not.
Because then the woman from earlier; the one who was pro-jam, starts singing along. Full voice as if she’s been waiting for this moment since the Jubilee.
By this point, Trevor’s underneath a chair and everyone’s clapping. I don’t even know what for. He hasn’t moved in ten minutes.
Anyway, I left. I paid in exact change, didn’t make eye contact, walked out backwards.
I’m telling you now, something’s not right in XXXXX. There’s a quiet madness brewing. And I’ll be honest, I’m not convinced Trevor isn’t in charge of the whole Town!
Last week, I bumped into a bloke claiming to be the reincarnation of Rod Hull! 🥹
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7 Jun
9:32pm, 7 Jun 2025
2,996 posts
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CK2
[Brilliant! I think you win Inane FB posts larkim!]
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7 Jun
9:36pm, 7 Jun 2025
51,292 posts
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DocM
Is Rod Hull dead?
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7 Jun
9:59pm, 7 Jun 2025
28,845 posts
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Dvorak
[I think you should ask that on FB, DocM.]
Does jam count?
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12 Jun
12:41pm, 12 Jun 2025
92,343 posts
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Diogenes
Don’t forget.. Crystals & your stones give back to Mother Earth & Recharge in Full moon energy…
#crystalhealing #fullmoonmagic #recharge
[I resisted the urge to reply “Bollocks”]
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12 Jun
2:04pm, 12 Jun 2025
12,310 posts
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Fragile Do Not Bend
[I hope you weren’t considering getting your stones out to recharge in the moonlight]
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12 Jun
9:14pm, 12 Jun 2025
24,785 posts
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Gooner
[it's the only time I get mine out]
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14 Jun
10:23am, 14 Jun 2025
10,404 posts
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Winniefree
Anyone know the closed shop that sells
Perfect draft kegs please ?
Thank you
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Navigating photos on Facebook
Sep 2023