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Joke of the day........

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Cog Noscensme AHA Mar 2020 3:00pm, 27 Mar 2020 619 posts	Quote Pin Cog Noscensme AHA Just a heads up, if you get an email from the Department for Health saying not to eat tinned pork because it contains Covid-19 ignore it. It’s spam.
TomahawkMike Mar 2020 3:25pm, 27 Mar 2020 2,704 posts	Quote Pin TomahawkMike A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are - my - test - results - back?"
icenutter Mar 2020 6:00pm, 27 Mar 2020 354 posts	Quote Pin icenutter What's the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai? The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
Binks Mar 2020 8:40am, 28 Mar 2020 7,956 posts	Quote Pin Binks In honour of our Amazon drivers, let’s clap out our windows sometime between 9am and 6pm.
dUNKle Mar 2020 9:27am, 28 Mar 2020 5 posts	Quote Pin dUNKle Just heard from a mate who has the virus. They put him on one of those Dyson ventilators. After 3 days he is picking up nicely
Muttley Mar 2020 3:05pm, 28 Mar 2020 613 posts	Quote Pin Muttley There was no ventilator when my mate went in with the virus, so they used the old fashioned remedy of rubbing lard on his back. After that he went downhill fast.
simbil Mar 2020 3:40pm, 28 Mar 2020 8,495 posts	Quote Pin simbil Apple have just announced the iVentilator. Things are getting really Siri-ous.
richmac Mar 2020 4:42pm, 28 Mar 2020 13,786 posts	Quote Pin richmac Yeah but it only works with 20 % of lungs
Mouseytongue Mar 2020 1:45pm, 29 Mar 2020 3,716 posts	Quote Pin Mouseytongue There’s some local chatter about turning a disused toy warehouse into a hospital. Hundreds of patients all under one roof to treat coviRus, coviRus, coviRus!
dUNKle Mar 2020 5:52pm, 30 Mar 2020 6 posts	Quote Pin dUNKle Just called in at Aldi on way home from work Bloke in front was purchasing a sombrero, a piñata and a bottle of tequila I thought to myself Hispanic buying