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Jock Itch - Member of the Month September 2007


Member of the Month September 2007

Jock Itch

Fetch says: Jock's streamlined swede has been the talk of many Fetchies, but he's head and shoulders above the rest, winning our Member of the Month title for August 2007 (sponsored by SimplyRun.co.uk - we love you). Now Fetchies... prepare yourself for an epic journey, the likes of which has not been seen since the Davis vs Taylor snooker final of 1985. Go for a pee, and get yourself some supplies, because it's time to interview the Jockmeister. Spread the love :-)

Hills of Death (HOD) asks: When did your hair start falling out ?

Jock says: 20th July 1997. I was married the day before.

Balham Bouncer asks: What are you going to do differently to get yourself to the startline of FLM 2008 injury free?

Jock says: Well I've learned the hard way. I have a tendancy to overtrain and miss big races ! Again I have an overuse injury to my foot. Once fit then I will build it up slowly and full steam ahead for London in April. Bring it on baby !

Balham Bouncer asks: Do you feel a bit embarrassed that BB let you win at the Reading 10K so that you didn't look like a chump in front of your family?

Jock says: You were caned Bounceman. My kids loved it. Your ass in my backyard…whipped. Catch the highlights here folks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7HhfjpzVRo

cabletow asks: Baseball - Its just softball isn't it but the Americans changed the name so the brits wouldn't play (and beat them)? Do you want some ointment ?

Jock says: I love baseball. I believe Great Britain were the first World Champions CT. Pass the cream Doc daddy !

Hills of Death (HOD) asks: What's the secret to beat Balham Bouncer in a race

Jock says: Just turn up.

Balham Bouncer asks: What does it feel like to sleep with a butt-plug up there on a regular basis?

Jock says: It has to be natural horse hair. Synthetic gives me an itch.

Hills of Death (HOD) asks: What's happening to Fulham this season

Jock says: Few unlucky results but I believe it will be better than last season. I'm a fan of Laurie Sanchez and believe he's the right man. Patience is the key.

Mrs BooBoo LaBoy asks: What's your favourite food to cook?

Jock says: I love my Greek cooking and I don’t mean donner kebabs on a Friday night daaan the rub a dub. You cant beat simply cooked food with herbs. Nice.

Hendo asks: Can I have my tenner now please?

Jock says: Whistle Hends. But it was twenty ! ;)

orbital sander asks: this is going to need some careful consideration well done ben itch :-)

Jock says: Er….yeah cheers. Nexxxxxt.

Balham Bouncer asks: What has been your most enjoyable / proudest running moment? What keeps you going when you've had such a painful running injury track record?

Jock says: My first London Marathon was awesome. I blogged about it 10th September blog entry. Any race I beat Bellend Bouncer, which is every one and my recent third place at Mortimer 10K in 36:09. Yeah, that was special. The thing that keeps me going is thinking I can go quicker. I'm 38 now and my times are still improving. Sub 3 means the world to me. I will do it. WILL.

Balham Bouncer asks: Will Al Fayed ever become a Brit?

Jock says: Al Fayed Whhhhooooaaaaaoooo….he wants to be a Brit…and QPR are…Nah Bounceman…I cant see it. He should be though. He has given millions to charity in his time here. Right…facebook campaign nowww !

Hendo asks: Will BB ever wind his neck in?

Jock says: Not his neck he needs to worry about. I've seen him in the showers. Aaah bless !

Balham Bouncer asks: Will Hendo ever admit he's gay?

Jock says: Tough one. I owe him 20 quid. He was good.

GordonG asks: What's your favourite shampoo?

Jock says: Shoe polish.

oldbiddy asks: This rash ????????????????????????????????????????

Jock says: goes back along way

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Jock - did you promise Hendo a tenner aswell?

Jock says:

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Wot colour is your comb?

Jock says: I use my butt plug.

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Will you remember us when you is proper fameous?

Jock says: Of course darlings. Pass the canapae's. Fetch is family. My roots are with Fetch…(sings)…"Goin back tooo myyy rooootsssss…yeahhhhhhh". Obviously not my hair !

JeniFred asks: Why did u start to run?

Jock says: My Mum used to chase me around the house with an electrical wire when I was prwopa nawty. She was quick but I was quicker. Respec Mum.

cabletow asks: What colour is your pubic hair?

Jock says: Im glad you asked. Today I have gone for a cerise and mahogany stripe. Normally see through though cos Enrique comes over and waxes for me.

Balham Bouncer asks: What are your running goals?

Jock says: Sub 3 marathon and a 1:15 half marathon. I believe that if I stay fit then I will achieve by late 2008.

Balham Bouncer asks: What colour's CT's pubic hair?

Jock says: We shared a tent once in the Lake District. It was dark. He played a trick on me. We were recording insect noises and he asked me to hold his microphone for a while. Little did I know ! Oh crap…what colour ? Uuum…think of a dead skunk. That’s it !

icklechick asks: what motivates you to go running when it's cold, wet and dark outside?

Jock says: I think of running London. I think about how great I'm gonna feel achieving those goals I set myself. I think of those kids at Children with Leukaemia (my chosen charity) and running over Tower Bridge with the crowd cheering. What more motivation do you need ?

Hendo asks: what motivates you to go to the cottage when it's cold, wet and dark outside?

Jock says: Been doing it since 1976 ! Habit I guess !

John Bach asks: Which other marathon(s) do you want to do? Do you have any Alaram albums?

Jock says: I fancy Disney World Marathon in 2009 to coincide with a family hollibobs. My folks live in Florida so that would be nice. Bit goofy but…hee hee (Jock jiggle)…that’s on the list. Also I doo fancy New York too. Alarm albums? Oooooh..68 Guns…is that an album ?.

John66 asks: Who is by far the greatest team the world has ever seen?

Jock says: Super Fulham F.C. Been a fan since 1976. Done 75 league grounds and its been a lot of hurt but cracking times too.

Balham Bouncer asks: Would it hurt to shove that blue flag up your *rse?

Jock says: Bend over cos its going up yours Bellend.

Barky asks: Congrats Jock: Best every running event, and why?

Jock says: London..London..London. The crowds are awesome. I was windmilling my arm coming upto Buck House in my first marathon in 2002 and the crowd loved it. They roared and I cried. British people bring it home.

DIYdiva asks: What is your longterm running goal? for example: To coach at a local AC?

Jock says: Glad you gave me an example there cos didn’t understand the question Diva baby. Basically to just enjoy my running…STAY FIT..and if I can help others then happy days.

GordonG asks: Tell us about when you played baseball - how did you get into it, stories/experiences etc.

Jock says: Hey Gordy. I picked up the game when holidaying years ago. Started playing in 1994 and I've just recently called it a day. That’s not set in stone and I may well come back but at the moment my running takes priority.

JeniFred asks: Why are you called Jock itch? and is Hendo really a tw*t?

Jock says: LOL. Well I originally tried to register on Runners World…(Booo..hissss…oh hold on..they on our side now yeah?) years ago under the name Jock Strapp but someone had taken it. Jock Itch seemed the next best option. I'm proud of my Itch and you have to embrace it.

GordonG asks: now that you've won is it a requirement to have simplyrun.co.uk tatooed onto your head?

Jock says: If the money is right then I would have it tattooed on my ass. Only at a price though.

Balham Bouncer asks: Did you ever find that pot of vaseline that Dieter the German left at your flat or did it show up on the Xrays ?

Jock says: Dieter was a friend. Having thought you were too small Bell boy he turned his attention to moi. Yes there was a pot of missing vaseline but lets put it down to experience.

Mikuro asks: LOL Jock - you poor sod... ;) Does your 'jock' really itch? What happens if it itches at a crucial part of a race? Is BB going to get a proper slap soon? ;)

Jock says: Hi Mik. Yes, occassionally it starts to tingle during a race. That’s a sign that Im not pushing it enough. Itchy Kitchy ya yaa yeee yeee..hooochie cooochie…yaa yaa heeeeeee…. Bouncer knows the score. We is buddies and its all good baby.

cabletow asks: Moustaches - yes or no? PS Simplyrun.co.uk - we love you!

Jock says: Absolutely not ! Its not a good look and indeed if I did grow one then I probably would look like one of the Village People ! In the naaaaavyyyyy….

John66 asks: Have you thought of increasing your earnings by making your head available for sponsorship whilst running?

Jock says: Make me an offer bigboy ! First there was Bumfights now it could be www.simplyrun.co.uk.

cabletow asks: Is the smart car a real car or is it a childs toy on steroids? PS Simplyrun.co.uk - we love you!

Jock says: It’s a tonka toy. Don’t they jus look stupid. Pah !

cabletow asks: Steroids - do they make your jock itch?

Jock says: Whaaaat ! Only think I use is Redbull. It gives you wings don’t you know ? I love the stuff. 2 cans before every race. You will be buzzin.

Pammie asks: Has Gobi got your soul?

Jock says: Gobi is the maaan. My aim is too get near to the man with my times. That will take lots of hard hard work. I'm not a million miles off but he offers me good advice. That’s what Fetch is all about. We all help each other. Cheers the Gobster.

Hills of Death (HOD) asks: Ok secrets to getting quick at 10ks any tips ?

Jock says: I followed the competitive plan on www.coolrunning.com if that’s allowed ? Sorry Fetch ! It suited me. The key is really finding a schedule that you can fit around your lifestyle and is manageable for you. Gradually build up. Enter a race and focus on it. If you put the work in then you will get the rewards.

Keefy Beefy asks: How did you get into baseball? Is it still your first love?

Jock says: As above Keithy. Yeah I dooo have a soft spot for baseball. I've played for 10 years+. The trouble is is that its still a minority sport in this country and still there are a lack of players. We need to get more fok involved and hopefully it will flourish.

Robo-Gobi asks: how much weight have you lost? how much faster do you think you can go? do you need a coach ? (well I had to)

Jock says: Hey Gobs ! Ive allways been around the 11.5 stone mark…allways. I eat the right stuff and generally watch what I eat. I would like to think I could go 34 mins for 10K and 1:15 for half marathon. Possibly 2:45 for marathon if all goes to plan. I know I can do those times. I still have'nt peaked at my potential. Injuries have killed me.

cabletow asks: Does itching make you twatish PS Simplyrun.co.uk - we love you!

Jock says: Er..yes…twat. Next ! ;) Love you Doc. xx

John66 asks: Did you really play baseball for England? Really? No lying now. What's been the highlight of your running career? When will you win a 10k?

Jock says: Yes I did. I Played for Great Britain in a Collegiate tournament in L.A. in 2003 against El Camino and Cypress Colleges. Proud moment for me and I even signed a nipple. Was asked to be a squad player for the Euro Chapionships in 2004 but declined to concentrate on getting injured instead.

Balham Bouncer asks: How highly do you rate manlove at the end of a race, and do you always try to capture it on film?

Jock says: We should all love each other. Man, woman or tranny. I share love liberally. You should to. Fetch is the place for love. When you finish your next race turn around and hug the person who finishes behind you. Hug them and go "Aaaaaarrghhh" using coffee bean shuffling hand motions. They'll love you for it.

jude asks: If you could run a dream race, eating dream food, drinking a dream bevvy, watching a dream film while listening to a dream song with a dream person - what would they all be? (Love ya baldy) ((Love Simplyrun blah blah too)

Jock says: Aaah my Judey ! Hi love. Jamaica Reggae Marathon (1st Dec..add it too your profile…we all have). Takin it verrrry easeeee. Can of Red Stripe…watching Bridges of Madison County (cos I'm a soppy bugger) eating Hooters chicken wings (US chain with nice ladeeez servin) listening to a spot of Freddie Jackson (Mudlark..you hearin me dude ?) and Jennifer Love-Hewitt on the end of myyyyy.......arm !. Heaven !

jude asks: why do people always mis-read smut into my posts?!?!?

Jock says: No idea. You is funny and I luv ya mate ! Xxx

Balham Bouncer asks: What impact has being a member of Fetcheveryone had on your running and how?

Jock says: I love the friendship this site has given me. I've met soo many people who I now class as good friends. I want to meet soo many more of you all. We need to keep the love real.

Balham Bouncer asks: Spit or swallow?

Jock says: Has to be swallow ! I love birds.

GordonG asks: Your life outside running: likes/dislikes etc (vague enough for you to talk about whatever you want!)

Jock says: Fulham FC, Running, Cooking, sharing love and my two girls. Yeah that’s about it. Nice.

jude asks: Would you advise anyone to have children? Or not??

Jock says: Absolutely. The best moment in my life was when my first child was born. I cried my eyes out. I don’t think anything can ever beat that….well maybe sub 3 :-P

BigChiefRunningBore asks: If BB had beat you in the Hair vs No Hair Race of the Century, would it have been right for him to take MOTM crown instead? Do you believe he is now bitter and twisted? Or was he always like that?

Jock says: Bouncer is a top man but yes he is a bit bitter. He deserves a MOTM award. He's the first at my door offering advice and I love him. A nipple tweak at the Clapham Social told him how much. Competition is good and we are of similar standard (even though he's slower). Love you man.

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Baseball, is it just Rounders with bigger socks?

Jock says: Noooooo ! Gah ! Rounders ! ***** off ! ;)

jude asks: When you're talking to yourself, what voice do you use?

Jock says: Frank Spencer. I allways find myself goin "Ooooooooh" (holding finger to lips) at various times during the day. Every day in every way I'm getting better and better Betty…Ooooooooh……nice.

BigChiefRunningBore asks: What have you spent (or plan to spend) your winnings on? How much are hair pieces these days?

Jock says: Well..I bought a Garmin 305 which I am well chuffed about. I love it. I need to read the manual but it’s a good gig. Cant wait to have loadsa fun with it very soon. Thanks guys.

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Do you spend more time training or nobbing about on YouTube?

Jock says: Youtube is for nobs but I do love this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7HhfjpzVRo

Balham Bouncer asks: What's your view of Scousers?

Jock says: I thing they are cheeky chapies who steal hubcaps but I'm not gonna stereotype. I love them. Community spirit…"Walkkk onnnn" and all that.

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Do you think anyone will ask a sensible question and will you give a sensible answer?

Jock says: No. Look... if you've read this far then you deserve a medal. I got 225 questions to answer here ! (huff..puff..reaches for a Stella)…

Phatbutfit asks: Who's your favourite Spice Girl?

Jock says: Geri. She would kill me :)

jude asks: Which is your favourite avatar and username on fetch?

Jock says: Well Runnerbean has some gawguss once which she keeps updated. She is a sort ! ;) but by and large they are dissappointing. Use some imagination folks. GASH worries me but Im hoping its sumink to do with Alan Shearer in the name.

JeniFred asks: What would your ideal goodie bag for the end of a race?

Jock says: A finger of fudge, Youngs of Grimsby frozen scampi, Can of Stella, Vaseline, 2 tickets to see Jennifer Love-Hewitt backstage in a backstage party full of backstage fun and a signed Bernie Clifton poster. Bliss that !

Phatbutfit asks: Marry, shag, push off a cliff: Name three Fetchies?

Jock says: Er indoors will kill me ! LOL Couldn’t possibly say. So many too choose from :)

BigChiefRunningBore asks: Fill in the score in the following footie match Liverpool ? v Mach*st*r Un*t*ed ?.

Jock says: Three one Man Utd. Two poor teams.

John66 asks: Has Fetch improved your life? Has Fetch impoved your running? Has Fetch improved? Has Fetch? Has he?

Jock says: Fetch keeps me focussed. If I'm down then people pick me up. We all do that for each other cos we is famileeeee. When I am chirpy then I hope it cheers people up too. Fetch Love.

CanaryYellow asks: Have you ever trodden on an animal while out running?

Jock says: And a question that I had hoped would come up tonight. Er…No. Although a squirrel did try to nibble my nuts once. He was after my Harvest Crunch Bar.

Balham Bouncer asks: If so, did it die?

Jock says: No. I love squirrels. Bloomin eck I've got hundreds of these too answer.

cabletow asks: Hav you ever trod in animal excreta while out running? If so - how on earth do you get it out from the tread?

Jock says: Here is a General Practioner of a reputeable standard. Highly intelligent and could ask me any question in the world but …have I trodden in animal poo ? Dogs mate. Dogs. Jeez.

Hendo asks: LOL @ John66 and Jude's response!!!

Jock says: Sigh.

Max71 asks: Would you like some canniston for the Itch? Has it been the same injury that's pulled you from FLM? What went through your head when it happened the third time? What have you learnt from it? Apart from love what is your favourite spread for a sandwhich? Will you ever do ultras? Will you ever do a triathlon?

Jock says: And one time at band camp ! Hey Max hun. First time it was a calf pull, 2nd time my ankle ligaments then my knee ligaments. Its hopefully not gonna be a fourth but who knows. Ive learnt too SLOWWW DOWNNN cos I used to cane all my training runs. I learnt the hard way but I will be better for it. Sandwich spread is ace and marmite...(Huuuurrrrr)...I may do an ultra. Dean Karnazes has inspired me after reading his book. Triathons ? Uuum. LOL I did enter London a few years ago but then realised that I did'nt have a bike LOL. Didnt think it would look good riding my old Raleigh Chopper in full triathlon kit around the Docklands !

LorraineS asks: will we see you at Loch Ness next year ?

Jock says: Possibly yes Lorraine. Reading all about the race on the threads it seems like a great day was had by everyone. I want some of it.

Mudskipper - Mk II asks: Do you think that MotM has become a bit of a clique thing? :)

Jock says: Nahhhh ! Vote for who you want.

Puddington asks: From a fellow lover-of-hanging-the-washing-out, what will we do for simple pleasures throughout the bleak winter months?

Jock says: Hey Pudds ! Yes. If you read my ramblings then you will know that I love hanging out washing. I love bouncing it and man handling it every few minutes. Persil and Summer Breeze Lenor makes for a great scent in the summer months. If the temp is below 15 degs then it wont get dry Pudds. How bout some windsurfing ?. If you Fabreeze your sail then its comes close to being the same feeling. Good luck !

Caterpillar asks: Jock, Will you help me break 19:30 for the Bushy Park Time Trial please? Please bring a wheelbarrow. What is the best running thing (clothing or gadget) you've got? When will you be too old to run? What is your favourite time of year for running? What's the funniest thing you've ever seen when out running? What other sports to you take part in? Do you run for a club? If you could run anywhere in the world in a race where would it be? What is your favourite distance to race? Do you have any training tips? You are my role model. Can I have your autograph? (Apologies if these are repeats - I don't have time to read the whole history)

Jock says: Sure ! Tell me when buddy. Any thermal clothing is good. I'll be too old when I don’t wanna go out there any more and don’t enjoy it. I love running around Virginia Water lake in the summer (lovely that). Funniest thing ? Bloomin eck…er…probably beating Bouncer and turning around to perform tickling "come too daddy" kinda motions with my hands whilst he wants to smack me in the moosh ! I've never run for a club. Bracknell Forest is nearby but to be honest I'm allways Taxi of Dad at moment so dont have time. I prefer running on my own really. Nice. Training tips ? Bloomin eck...I'm the last person you wanna ask after my injury record but I will say you have to enjoy it. Push yourself a little bit and you will get your rewards. If you dont put the work in then you wont get the times you want. Listen to your body i have learnt too. Bend over and I will sign your ass ..just for the crack !

blue (pete) asks: Ben - your Blogs are fun, your 'talk' is fun, you appear to be a really 'nice' bloke (though I have only met you the once), how did you end up a VAT man and how do you fit your work around all your training and family commitments?

Jock says: When I was a kid I allways wanted to be a VATman. Kids were scared of me and I had no friends. My idea of fun was to add up numbers and times 17.5%. It was my sole focus on life. I strived hard for the chance and when it came then I grasped it with both hands. VAT is the way forward. It's my life and where my passion comes from.

John66 asks: Jock - your blogs hint that you're a sexual deviant, I've met you 4 or 5 times and you exhibit all the signs of being a sexual deviant. How did you end up staying out of jail?

Jock says: I told you before….delete your cookies.

John Bach asks: A VAT man, eh, why does it take someone, who has filled in all the VAT registration forms correctly, over 2 months to get a VAT number?

Jock says: Two months is good John. You registration name of "Bach to Basics" was deemed tooo corny and has been rejected. Sorry mate.

t3d asks: Jock. according to your blog today (10 Oct) you have shagging keys. Where did you get the handcuffs from? And do you or Mrs Jock wear them?

Jock says: I had a chocolate pair from Anne Summers once but I got too close to the radiator and they melted. The moment was lost !

Hanneke asks: Do you really think you can run a sub 3 marathon? You do seem to get injured all the time... do you reckon your injury prone body will stand up to the rigours of training that hard and that long for a mara? Do you have a coach? If not, do you think a coach might help to reach your running goals and help you stay injury free? (someone had to ask some sensible quastions, don't wanna be loosing our fantastic sponsor Simplyrun.co.uk now, do we????)

Jock says: Aaaaah a sensible question…at last ! I truly believe I can sub 3. I actually think that my capabilites are 2:45 but lets not get carried away. I've changed a lot of things in the way I go about training. Fetch is my soul food and I've had loads of help and gone about recognising where Ive gone wrong. Now I'm starting to correct them. Structured training is the way to go. Ive thought about joining a running club but I like the idea of running on my Jack Jones. Nice question Hann.

t3d asks: As the first Simplyrun.co.uk MotM, what do you hae to say about our new sponsors? Must be something that will keep fetch (the person and the web site) in their good books.

Jock says: www.simplyrun.co.uk have been awesome. I have been book signing in their store and they have been great in supplying my Garmin. Very swift despatch and after service care was awesome. Simplyrun is the way forward.

Baldy Dave asks: As an International player can you offer any advice on how to get to third base?

Jock says: Ha Ha ! Dave. Yes a triple is a baseball thing of beauty. You have to have speed. Good connection and head down. If it’s the third base that I think your thinkin of then…er..yeah..same again..head down son ! :)

Duncs asks: Are you considering going pro? At blogging that is.

Jock says: I enjoy my blogging. I cant believe that people read em but it’s a good release for me. Asda have shown interest but nothing firm as yet. ;)

mic asks: Jock, my question is.. whats it like being so famous and adored and how do you keep your strength up for all your girlie admirers? :-)

Jock says: Hi baby ! ;) I thing bald is the way forward. If you are goin a bit thin on top then it has to be all off. The ladies love it and cant resist a rub. They like to pat my head too which stimulates follicles.

Phantom asks: are you worried that your hairline appears to be receding?

Jock says: Er…see above Phantom my friend. You could do with an extra grade mate ;)

Lucky the cat asks: Hi Jock. Where is your fetch picture from? Why are baseball outfits so geeky? ...and which is best - running or baseball????

Jock says: The one on my profile is from my GB debut. I like to go for the socks over my traaasers look now. Yeah its not a great look is it ? Close call but at the moment my running takes priority. Ive recently retired from baseball but I may go back one day.

Max71 asks: Daddy or chips?

Jock says: Er what the..f.? Er..Daddy.

Balham Bouncer asks: Tits or arse?

Jock says: Aaah must be Bounceman back . Tits.

Max71 asks: Top or Bottom?

Jock says: Top.

Phantom asks: Your place or mine?

Jock says: Come on Phant. Round to mine. I love salted popcorn and beer. Lets watch a soppy film.

Max71 asks: dress to the left or right?

Jock says: (Has a quick feel)….Its all about the swingometer. Tends to be to the left..to the left..everything you own in a box to the left.

LorraineS asks: pink or purple ?

Jock says: With two young daughters then it has to be pink. I'm surrounded by pink.

Phantom asks: scratch or sniff?

Jock says: Im allways scratchin the Itch so scratch. Everyone still reading this ?

Girlie asks: I'll ask a sensible question while i'm waiting for the muse to strike with a rude one. What's your preferred distance to run? How did you keep yourself sane while out injured?

Jock says: I enjoy half marathons Girlie. That’s where I feel most comfortable. When I'm injured ? Uuuum. I allways focus on that first run back and how good it's going to feel. My most memorable run was an 11minute mile on the hamster wheel in the gym on my way back after my knee injury. I smiled for a week. Focus on something, whether it be a race or a goal. Goals are important.

Tarange asks: Woohoo many congrats Mr Itch :-) xx Trunks or Speedos?

Jock says: Jeez ! Er neither Ange. I go for the long short surfer dude look. They hide my knobbly knees !

Siamese Pete asks: Jock, Do your creative writing ideas come from your own experiences? If so, could you explain how to undo a "Cross my Heart bra" with one hand as Denzil seems to be able to. I've been trying and trying but still can't do it one-handed;)

Jock says: Hey Pete ! Its all in the wrist my buddy. I obtained very strong wrists in my teens. It’s a grasp and go motion. So lets run through it. Hand round the back…squuueeeeze…and release. The hook should pop open to reveal the prize. Good luck.

Max71 asks: sink or swim?

Jock says: Swim all the way. Keep on goin and smile.

Tarange asks: chocolate sauce or cream ;)

Jock says: Not a big chocolate fan. I once smuggled a After Eight mint upstairs at bedtime years ago and put it in my PJ's pocket and forget about it. Woke up in the middle of the night and my Mum thought I crapped myself. She had the Dettol out and everything. She didnt seem phased at all that it was all round my neck and chops. That's even more worrying ! Er....cream.

Max71 asks: How naughty do you want Jock?

Jock says: Prwopa nawty Maxie babes ;)….(runs off smackin botty)

chrisity asks: what does it feel like to have ruined Old Biddy's life? have you got the nerve to tell simplyrun that they should use a dye fixer?

Jock says: I love Old Biddy. She is a Fetch legend. Crackin dress on her profile ! ;)

Girlie asks: you want rude? Do you believe in free love or would you pay for it?

Jock says: Free love. Never pay for love cos you have to spread it.

Just-Jamie asks: " do you run faster if you see a woman or a man(no judgement) with a nice bottom in front you?"

Jock says: Well..let me think…Uuuum….I normally tuck in, enjoy the view and shelter for a bit then overtake.

Siamese Pete asks: Do you sound like El Tel Tom?

Jock says: Jus googled that. No idea ! Bit of cockney but can give it large when needed.

Siamese Pete asks: ....oh, and have you got Elsie and Mabel's address??;)

Jock says: (scratches bald bonce)…fmail me for it !

Just-Jamie asks: " is there an event past or present you would have loved to able to take part in or witness(apart from FLM)"

Jock says: Would have loved to run in the first 4 minute mile. I've competed at Ifley Road in a Customs Chapionship. I ran off hell for leather and was leading after 2 laps in a 1500m event but faded badly and almost finished last. Then promptly threw up in the long jump pit ! LOL They were'nt impressed but I thought that they allways put sand down anyway so it would be the best place !

Max71 asks: How would you fancy your chances against RachE?

Jock says: Rach E is a great runner. She's put lots of hard work into her running and the work has paid off cos she's running good times. We've been in the same race on a few occassions. We run similar times.

orbital sander asks: PMSL @ max :-) JI - MotM or being mentioned on the sexy blokes thread?

Jock says: I am determined to get on that sexy geezer's thread but I don’t think its gonna happen. I think I might have to doctor a picture and airbrush my wrinkles out first. Still better looking than JohnJ though :)

Max71 asks: Latex or PVC?

Jock says: I get friction burns with latex. PVC all the way.

orbital sander asks: should the sexy blokes thread have a sponsor? if so who?

Jock says: Well some of the fella's that get onto that thread ! Pah I've no idea how they do it. Bitter ? Me ? Noooo. How about Specsavers !

Balham Bouncer asks: Bodyglide or vaseline

Jock says: Vaseline is the way forward. Cheap and does the job. I borrowed Gordon Ramsay's at Reading Half once. He was quite polite. I was expecting him to tell me to f**k off ! Bodyglide sounds poncy.

old mum asks: You do of course realise, there's gonna be no living with him this month - don't you? Well done Jocklet, I'll post the tiara & ballgown to you forthwith :-p

Jock says: Thanks Mummy. Now back to the ironing ;) Whats the question ?

old mum asks: What shoe size are you?

Jock says: Well if I have a hot bath and massage it a bit then I can get a very impressive…..oh….shoe size…I see..er 9 and a half mummy.

JohnJ asks: What type of shoes do you recommend for a supinator with shin splints ;-) you owe me 75 big ones my bald pal lol

Jock says: Dunlop Green Flash will provide the support you need John.

old mum asks: Yo're expecting him to be THAT grateful JJ? ;-)

Jock says: I don’t think you get this Old Mum. Questions for moi hunny. Everyone still reading down this far ?

topcorner asks: Other than your family, who/what has been your biggest inspiration in life? First music gig? Best gig? Favoouite band/artist? Have you just dropped one?

Jock says: First gig was Nik Kershaw at Hammersmith Odeon. It was for his video shoot and he performed 'Wont let the sun go down on me" an astonishing 16 times. I bloody hate that song now. Me and my mate ended up lobbing maltesers at him. LOL :) If you look closely in the vid then you can see me. Hair and all. Great days ! Biggest inspiration are people who strive to make themselves better. Best artist ? Soo many but you may have guessed that Justin Nozuka is an amazing talent. Dropped one ? I'm too much of a gent !

Nini asks: When will you buy me another coffee?

Jock says: Wednesday ? You keep blowing me out !! (don’t misconstrue that boys please)

Max71 asks: A night with Halle Berry or a day training with Halie Gebrisellasie?

Jock says: That is uncanny Max because my ideal moment would be a night with Haile Gebrisellasie and a day training with Halle Berry ! Ha ! (shakes head) Amazing !

runnerbean asks: when are we getting married Jock?

Jock says: I told you. I'd pay for your facelift then lets get it onn RB ;)

runnerbean asks: would you like bum implants Jock?

Jock says: No thanks. Small is beautiful . Pert and peachy.

JohnJ asks: Who's Nini Jock?

Jock says: Nini's my good buddy on Fetch whose just started running. She completed her first 10K race at Reading where Just John or whatever hes called these days was disgraceful and dipped on the line to beat her ! LOL

Tarange asks: Why Terry Thomas??

Jock says: "I nicked the avatar from a geezer on a baseball forum yonks ago. Terry is a legend and had such catch-phrases as ""You're an absolute shower!"" and ""Good show!"" "

SarahL asks: Do you smoke cigars in real life? Have you ever had a Jock Itch (sorry an unoriginal one I know)? What's the strangest place you've ever eaten a banana? Have you ever been arrested? Why did you start running? How come your blog is so damned funny?

Jock says: I used to smoke the odd Lah de dah but havent had one for years. Maybe at Christmas I'll get a Montecristo out.No fortunatly that’s about the only one I havent had ! Probably an airing cupboard but that’s another story. Never been arrested believe it or not but I was warned to calm it by a police officer once because I berated a youth cos they said my bird at the time had a big arse ! She did but I was livid. Ah running ! It was something I was good at at school so just carried it on. My blog funny ? Its ridiculous !

SarahL asks: How long has it taken you to answer all the questions on this thread?

Jock says: Well upto here ..about 2 hours…(huff)…..you all still reading ?

Balham Bouncer asks: What is your favourite Boyz II Men song?

Jock says: Hey Bellend ! Same as your running career mate "End of the Road".

chrisity asks: are you related to the tennis player, Jelena Jock Itch?

Jock says: She is my sister. Our Dad keeps getting drunk and thrown out of Wimbledon. Its sooo embarrassing.

early bird asks: What advice would you give to a newbie to keep motivated when first starting out with running? Do the cigars help your running ability? Are you really as handsome as your avatar in real life?

Jock says: Don’t push too hard. Enjoy your running and feel the benefits because you will feel great. Having a race to aim for helps too. Have fun. Cigars ! They don’t help me but they seem to help Jimmy Saville …nowww thennn now thennnn..(jingle jangle)…I have my moments but I want that sexy thread !

SarahL asks: did u just crash my computer?

Jock says: Yes ! :)

old mum asks: What's your record for pleasuring BB in one night?

Jock says: Nothing pleasured him as much as when I pulled my shorts up really high, put on a Village People moustache and chased him around Wokingham one year.

Balham Bouncer asks: Can you do that thing again... you know, when you just... can't say, but wow

Jock says: Your anal probe is on its way back to you BB. I posted it this morning. I used Parcel Excessive Force.

Snapstinget asks: As a serious runner how did you reduce your 10k time by a minute a month (or some'at)? What happens to you on days you can't run? Do you get as much out of blogging as out of running? How do you cope with all this adulation and all these lady runners desperate to rip off your running shorts and [censored by the moderator]?

Jock says: Hey Snaps ! My 10K best was around the 39min mark but I knew that this was allways a false time because I've alllways been coming back from injury when I've competed in one. I knew I could smash that time. I worked hard to bring that down to 36 mins following a rigid schedule. I can go quicker. 34 minutes is possible. Blogging is fun and keeps me entertained. I also love reading blogs too. I have loads of favourites. Ladies ! Where ? come to Jocky !

SarahL asks: And all the men too?

Jock says: Only Bouncer.

Woad Wunner asks: Congrats Jock Is this occassion the only time you've come first or are you a true gentleman?

Jock says: LOL ! Like my running style I like to hold back then sudden quick bursts !

LorraineS asks: would you ever run a marathon in a silly outfit ?

Jock says: NO. People that run marathons in stupid outfits like mankini's should be banned. Look at this idiot. I mean…what on earth is that ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGn4HxbuANs

Max71 asks: Should I paint my nails Rouge Diva by Bourjois or leave them with clear nail varnish on?

Jock says: Ah ! A subject close to my heart Max. I advise to undercoat with Rimmel Nail Varnish Base Coat & Strengthener followed with a Maybelline Watershine Diamonds Nail Colour Dazzling Purple to wow your friends at that all important cocktail party. Go get em girl !

topcorner asks: Are you Jessica just at weekends or does she rear her ugly head on school nights too?

Jock says: Jessica is when things get tough. I can crawl into my world of Jess and no one knows me…except Mands ! Hi Mandss ! Whooo ooooo…. (big waving hands at Mands)

Jigs asks: Well done on MotM Jock :) What will you do with your prize of 100 spondooleys ?? ... buy new running shoes, treat the family to a slap-up meal of carb gels, or buy a mega bucket of body glide to share with BB? ;)

Jock says: LOL. Garmin dear chap..garmin. Its great ! Bouncer does'nt need vaseline believe you me !

Rick O'Shay asks: 'Ding Dong' was Terry Thomas' famous saying, what is yours? PS Simplyrun.co.uk - we love you. PPS Can I win next month as I've got to get a high vis jacket plus some socks?

Jock says: It has to be 'Spread the love". I believe in a thing called love and whatever we go through..well it aint soo bad is it ? I devised a wonderful saying. You cant hurry love, you've just got to wait. Love don’t come easy…it’s a game of give and take. Go with it Rick. I'll bung you a tenner for your socks. See me later.

Wicked D asks: well done on MOM - IF you were told you only had one more day to live!!!! but you could do 1 running activity (race etc) what would you choose IF you could die a happy runner? morbid I know but hey this is a runners site :)

Jock says: Bloomin eck ! Cheerful or what ! Uuuum would be an ultra in the Grand Canyon or sumink. Mite as well die running hey ?

Fannybawz asks: "You're an absolute shower!" Do you still use that as your catch-phrase? What was it like working with Peter Sellers? One of my favourite film is "I'm All Right Jack" - what is yours? Did it ever bother you that you were stereotyped as an upper-class cad, bounder and absolute rotter? Well fantastically done on MOTM Jock Itch ( usually get that when I put on my kilt!)

Jock says: Welll Hullllo there Fannny ! Peter was great. I used to jump out of closets and scare him senseless. LOL aaa dear. One of my fave film's is Bad Influence with Rob Lowe. I love that flick.

orbital sander asks: how posh are you?

Jock says: Nah. I'm not posh. My old chap is though.

Rick O'Shay asks: Sorry, one more question. Ron Hill or Brooks (high vis jackets)?

Jock says: Ron Hill. Legend.

dustboy asks: Ding Dong was Leslie Phillips I thought? But I loved you in School for Scoundrels.

Jock says: Thank you. Ok is everyone still with me here ? Please tell me I'm not on my own here ? Thank you..(quietly googles 'School for Scoundrels')…aaah oh yes..Ian Carmichael was a pleasure to work with.

elderberry asks: Jock, name your best running experience, and the worst

Jock says: Named the best above EB. Worst was probably 2nd London marathon. I'd trained harder but was 4 minutes slower than my first effort and I came home a broken man in 3 hours 20mins. That’s my only disappointment. I enjoy all races I enter.

elderberry asks: Do you eat pigeons ?

Jock says: How's my Jocky doin ? No I would never eat a pigeon. My father in law races them. They are allways getting lost.

elderberry asks: oh, and red or white stilletto's ?

Jock says: Has to be white. Put em in the middle and we can dance around em. All together now…"I will survive…heyy heyyy"

fetcheveryone asks: Jock - are you more of a bounder, or more of a cad?

Jock says: Bit of a cad me reckons. Or a twat.

Hoaxster asks: Will you marry me?

Jock says: Only if you promise not to sing. I know I cried when you sang 'She told me' but you were treading on my foot.

Rick O'Shay asks: Dustboy, you are spot on, I must be getting my elderly pervy blokes mixed up! Wasn't Terry Thomas' catchphrase 'I say!'? Lord Fetch, perhaps you can amend my question?

Jock says:

Kath (one pace?) asks: Congratulations Jock, on your splendid achievement. I can't read your blog at work because it makes me guffaw out loud (not sure it's possible to guffaw silently). How did you get to be so funny? Have you always had this gift, or is it hiding some deep psychological issue, such as extreme shyness.

Jock says: Hey Cath ! I'm new to this blogging lark. I like it cos its fun. I used to be quite quiet though yes. I had my pants pulled down in Budgens once and got a short sharp smack to my bare botty. I think that is what started the shyness. The fact that I was 16 at the time didnt help either. My mum got arrested at Heathrow once when she was pregnant with me. She was accussed of being a dope carrier. I mean that doesnt fill you with confidence does it ?

runnerbean asks: Hoax i asked first, join the queue;-)

Jock says: Yes baby. You are indeed first. Heres the money..now go !

MUD LARK asks: Well done,spliffing good show:) Who sang ;My My MY ?

Jock says: Hey fellow soulboy ! (Does an electric slide over to Mudlark) That would be Johnny Gill. Had that track as the slowy at my wedding. What a tune and Blues of Soul track of the year in 1990.

Hourglass asks: How do you spread the love? Butter knife or spatula?

Jock says: Thickly spread with a cricket bat full of lurve.

Max71 asks: Did you get the test results back yet? Should I buy some ointment?

Jock says: Canestan cream is on order Max.

Hoaxster asks: *joins queue but fancies chances over beanz any day* :p Why baseball? What's wrong with rounders?

Jock says: Hey ? What ? Rounders is for girls. Baseball is for men in girls uniforms. You still reading this everyone ?

Heavyweight asks: Well done JI :-) :-) - Have you explained your Fetch name to your daughters?

Jock says: LOL. I did try to yes but they looked confused.

FannyFernackerpan asks: Have just looked through some of the questions and they are a bit tame! *Fanny pretends she is on horny thread* Six inches or longer sweetie?

Jock says: Gulp ! Help ! Jock shuffles over and whispers to Fanny…Fanny gets flustered and runs off giggling.

RFJ asks: Whats your fav tipple.... and wheres best to have it... (wine bar, pub, home, on the beach or during a race)? And does it affect or enhance your running performance?

Jock says: Red wine with a nice meal either at home or in a restaurant. You know the deal…candles….Johnny Gill or Usher…(BCRB…told ya )…..and some lurve on the side. Failing that, a Campari and cherryade daan the Nag's Head will do.

Hourglass asks: Baseball players have big gloves - did you fill yours and is it true what they say about big hands?

Jock says: Its all good. My right hand is bigger than my left. Teenage training.

Prop Forward doesnt run asks: Whats your view on tuna with jacket spuds?

Jock says: A substantial meal. A great recovery meal of the back of a nice little run. No mayo though..tut tut.

Balham Bouncer asks: Shaft or sack?

Jock says: Has to be shaft. I've recently bein working as a coalman part time (it has its perks ;) so would say shaft yes.

SODIron asks: Over the last few months I've been busy training and I haven't been able to spend much time with my wife. I've noticed that she's started buying coal from the coalman even though we have a gas fire and the other day I came home from work early in time to see the coalman leaving my house whilst doing his zip up and my wife stood at the door in her nighty. As the coalman left I noticed that my gate made a very loud squeek and I was wondering whether I should oil my gate hinges. Do you have any advice for me?

Jock says: Er….Aaah I would say WD40 is good for creaky joints. If not then olive oil is a cheaper alternative. Regards to your missus ;)

Balham Bouncer asks: Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush?

Jock says: Get your hand out of my bush you perv.

Stumpy2 asks: hourglass - Yes. ;-) JI, mwah! mwah! congratulations. question: just how good did it feel to beat BB in the 10k? ;-)

Jock says: It felt sweet Stumps ! And in case you needed another reminder then you can watch the highlights here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7HhfjpzVRo

Balham Bouncer asks: How are you expecting BB to react over the long term to the embarrassing and comprehensive defeat you handed him at the Reading O2O 10K?

Jock says: It will make him a stronger man in the long run. He lacks the motivation though. He needs a kick up the ass at times.

John Bach asks: Do you know who the 1st person to call Hendo a tw*t (on FE) was and why?

Jock says: I will guess Bouncer….?

Max71 asks: *tries not to ask, but does anyway* What are you licking?

Jock says: (slumps forward and bangs head on table)….Er….My lips.. at the prospect of another 60 questions which no ones probably gonna read anyway. If you've got this far then you've done well. Stay with me here.

Balham Bouncer asks: Why is it a monkey, yes, a monkey?

Jock says: A monkey is 500 quid . A pony is 25 quid and a Don McGarrett is 50 quid (Hawai Five 0)

Stumpy2 asks: OK, S Pete, sorry, just wanted to give him a question he would really enjoy answering.... leather or rubber? whipped cream or fresh?

Jock says: Leather and the squirty cream…St Ivel jobby. It makes me giggle when I gush it out the top, makes such a funny noise tee hee !

Stumpy2 asks: now I know it must be very exciting to receive this award; are you planning to splash out on anything in particular as a celebration?

Jock says: Splash out ! Snigger…snigger. I've bought some Milk Tray. Orange creams are my fave.

Hourglass asks: ..... and will you need tissues afterwards?

Jock says: They would have to be VERY good orange creams but maybee baybee.

orbital sander asks: what would be in your room 101?

Jock says: Michael Winner, Chelsea and QPR fans (sorry Cavey…you are a nice chap), Asparagus tips, not a big fan of carrots, hair…who needs hair ? Bald is the way forward. Runners who run soo close that they trip you up (grrr)…and tight people at the bar !

Orchidgirlfr asks: jock do we really need eastenders when we have your blog?

Jock says: Eastenders used to be great and I actually met Sid Owen (who playss Rickeeeeeyyyyyyy) in the toilet at a bar in Orlando one year. We stood next to each other at the urinal and we made nervous chit chat. He glanced down then left sharpish.

Robo-Gobi asks: Jock you have a constant battle with niggles, any news on a solution to your issues ?

Jock says: Im goin to get my gait analysed. Should have done it years ago to be honest but I've been told so many different things on the way I run etc that I need to get a definative answer soon. Slow my training down and ready to attack a sub 3.

Barky asks: What itchs you the most?

Jock says: Shaving when I've run out of Veet. It’s a killer !

Balham Bouncer asks: Jock Do you find Gobi a constant niggle? How can we all scratch that particular itch?

Jock says: Gobi is god. I want times like that man. With the right preparation then I can get close. I admire what he has done. Top man.

Max71 asks: Jock BB or Gobi?

Jock says: Bald and quick or Hair and slow ? UUUUm tough one.

Balham Bouncer asks: Jock Max or Kath?

Jock says: Both lovely ladeeez !

Balham Bouncer asks: Jock When you use your left hand, do you feel like you are cheating on your right?

Jock says: Never use my left. Backhanders with my right.

Max71 asks: Jock Soul or Sole?

Jock says: Good grief ! (on verge of breaking down after sitting for 3 hours answering questions)…Er…David Sole.

Balham Bouncer asks: Which hand do you wipe your bottom with? Which hand do you blow your nose with?

Jock says: Bouncer. Please go on holiday. Jus go.

Tarange asks: Quilted velvet or just extra soft??

Jock says: Quilts in the bathroom. Now no one can be this far down can they ? Not long to go people.

Mrs BooBoo LaBoy asks: Are you the Bionic Man??

Jock says: Used to be in love with Farah Fawcett Majors as a kid. Corrr ! My first crush was Chris Evert but she was a close second. I wrote a song about Chris Evert on my organ when I was about 10. It was a rude one but I may blog it soon.

Mrs BooBoo LaBoy asks: Chicken Nuggets or Turkey Twizzlers....? Another food question!

Jock says: Home made nuggets are the best. Turkey twangers are full of shite.

Max71 asks: Luther Vandross or Eddie Van Halen

Jock says: Has to be Luth. I had many moments of lurve when listening to Luth in my teens. I was on my own during most of them but smooooth.

Mrs BooBoo LaBoy asks: BB or Eddie the Eagle

Jock says: Eddie the Eagle. Did more for ski jumping than BB did for mankini wearers.

Balham Bouncer asks: BooBoo or The Boy?

Jock says: I love them both. What a cracking couple.

GordonG asks: "I'm All Right Jack" or "School for Scoundrels"

Jock says: School for Soundrels. Go Ian McC !

Max71 asks: God Save the Queen or The National Anthem?

Jock says: Aaaah that’s a trick question …(wags finger at Max)….prwpa nawty that hun bun. I'm very patriotic and allways cry during both ! ;)

Max71 asks: Are these the most questions ever asked for a MOM? We do expect them all to be ansered Jock, you may have to create an article for it.

Jock says: I need a lie down. Seriously..3 hours plus doin this.

Mrs BooBoo LaBoy asks: Who's your bestest friend? BB or BooBoo? Say Boo or else I will poke you in the eye.

Jock says: Boo of course. You have a lovely shoulder Boo. LOL

Kimberlina asks: What is your proudest achievement, the births of the little itches or beating BB at Reading 10K :-)

Jock says: It’s a close call Kim but birth of my babies was amazing. I cried my eyes out.

willgetthere asks: Whats your favourite cottage, and don't try and say Craven :-)

Jock says: Cottage Pie is nice.

John66 asks: Do people with 'Top Friends' on facebook make you want to hurl?

Jock says: Yes…tut tut. Only cos you aint in mine ;) Nearly finished chaps

John66 asks: Crocs - good or evil?

Jock says: Never worn them but they look pretty silly don’t they ? Or are they alright ? Dunno.

Balham Bouncer asks: Jock Dogging or Jogging?

Jock says: Please goo…just goo..walk out the door…don’t turn around now cos you're not welcome anymore ! (slumped over)

John66 asks: Pesch or Horse?

Jock says: Both good at their peak. Had a soft spot for the Horse though.

Balham Bouncer asks: Jock What do you think of people who serially change their Fetch usernames?

Jock says: Lack of knowing where they are going in life. They need to soul search. Find it in love.

willgetthere asks: Fanny or Johnny

Jock says: Fanny Craddock. Please….keep goin Jock (struggles for breath)…..

John66 asks: Jock, What do you think of people who like wearing lime green mankinis? Every day in the privacy of their own house!

Jock says: Each to there own but I'm not a lover of em.

Max71 asks: Jock Do you think?

Jock says: I do think what the hell am I doing here. Yes.

Doctor K asks: Jock Bolton or Fulham or both for relegation?

Jock says: I fear for Bolton Doc. Sorry but when Allardyce left it was allways going to go downhill. He did soo much for you. He was a master at getting great players to play for you. I think Fulham will be ok.

Kimberlina asks: Jock, are you still pleased that you won MOM?

Jock says: At this precise moment in time Kim…well..er….Yeaaah course I am. Very pleased to have won and its nice to know that people have voted for you.

Llamadance asks: Jock, were massive stars more common in the early Universe?

Jock says: It is my theory that yes. Stars were bigger n shit in the early days. Wot wiv the ozone layer now goin rapidly then the stars have also been shaved off a bit. One of the biggest stars in the 70's wos Leo Sayer. Still one of my idols.

Jason1969 asks: What's the highest lake in the world?

Jock says: Would probably be the Nile or Lakeside in Frimley Green where they have the Darts each Christmas. You get a good Chicken in a basket at Lakeside. I've seen Bobby Davro there.

Balham Bouncer asks: Jock Please list the 3 best bald bonces on Fetch

Jock says: Gobi's is a perfect 10. Like a well maintained lawn in the summertime. Snaps has a nice one and then probably Old Biddy.

jude asks: if you had to ask yourself one question what would it be?

Jock says: How long to the end of these bloody questions ? 4 hours now !

Llamadance asks: wtf?

Jock says: absolutly.

John Bach asks: What do you think of people who regularly change their FE avatars?

Jock says: Stick with the stuff you knowwwww…

Stumpy2 asks: Jock, what's your favourite way to scratch that itch? or does ointment help to ease it?

Jock says: Waxing or Canestan is good…….please I need to sleeeeep……wine…I need wine……(laughing inanely)……

Farby asks: Where do you get the inspiration for your recipes? And what drove you to cook in the first place?

Jock says: I get inspiration from my massive stack of cookbooks and the internet. I'm allways searching around for new stuff to cook. When I pick the kids up from school then I get cracking in the kitchen (rubs hands) and try to do sumink new each week. I can spend hours in there but I love it. All healthy good stuff too. I also do a side salad every night and the kids love it. Proud of that.

Boycie asks: Do you find cigar smoking before a 10k race assists performance?

Jock says: Hey Boyceman ! I find it relaxes me. Try blowing a few good smoke rings in your oppponents face before the off and you'll be raring to go.

Max71 asks: Do you know a cure for hangovers?

Jock says: Full English breakfast at Tasty's on the Fulham Palace Road will sort you out. I was barred from there once for performing an act with some taramasalata and a roast chicken.

Jason1969 asks: Did they name you after the condition or was the condition named after you?

Jock says: There's only one Jock Itch !

Tarange asks: what time of day do you prefer??

Jock says: I'm def a morning person. When it comes to 10pm then I'm crying for my duvet. Jus can't hack late nights. My partying days are long gone. Unfortunately :(

Tarange asks: Dark, milk or white?

Jock says: We is all one happy family. All colours is good as long as you all taste the same. Bournville is nice .

Rabbid Runner asks: Jock do you prefer sausage dogs or colies?

Jock says: Please tell me we are near the end nowww ? Collies are nice. I knew a bloke called Mick Collie.

Pammie asks: talk show favourites Michael Parkinson or Paul o Grady

Jock says: Parky is a legend. He needs to cheer up though.

boulders asks: Marmite or peanut butter?

Jock says: Marmite def ! :) I love it.

old mum asks: He's a minger so it HAS to be marmite

Jock says: Yes thank you Old Mum. Pot and kettle springs to mind ;)

sluggish asks: after winning a point in a game of tennis, have you ever said to your opponent " hard cheese " ?

Jock says: No but I have said "Take that you pond life scum"

LLL No1 asks: Runners world or fetcheveryone ?

Jock says: You really have to ask ? FETCH all the way. Don’t use Runners World anymore. Fetch is the way to go !

mic asks: Abi Titmuss or Rebecca Loo's... c'mon lets get to the real juicy stuff, and would you sell your sleazy story? :-)

Jock says: Has to be Abi. I want to see the vid ! Didn’t Rebecca Loo's do sumink to a pig on reality tv ?

Wicked D asks: what is your all time favourite race? and why?

Jock says: Dads race at my daughters school cos it’s the only race Ive ever won !

chrisity asks: how many questions is too many?

Jock says: 224. Yessss ! I got there !~!! 4 hours. Whooo Hooo.

Fetch says: [coughs loudly]... wake up everyone! This interview is now closed, and the hounds will be released in ten minutes. Thanks to all of you for making this feature such a fun one, to SimplyRun.co.uk for their magnificent sponsorship, and most of all to Jock, for giving himself RSI answering all the questions. See you soon - same bat time, same bat channel :-)

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