Joke of the day........

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Nessie Aug 2017 4:22pm, 18 Aug 2017 192 posts	0 Nessie How do you see if a man's genitalia are ticklish? Test-tickles.
Markymarkmark Aug 2017 4:36pm, 18 Aug 2017 5,643 posts	0 Markymarkmark There's a joke about a man working in the factory where they make Elmo cuddly toys, involving test- tickles. Too long to post in full. tcrc.acor.org Worthwhile charity, too!
JRitchie Aug 2017 4:36pm, 18 Aug 2017 1,298 posts	0 JRitchie What do you call a scotsman who has one foot in his house and the other foot outside his house. Hamish.
Superjools Aug 2017 4:45pm, 18 Aug 2017 155 posts	0 Superjools Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.” The second guy said, “Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.” The third man said: “Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.” The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: “What are all the congratulations for?” One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?” The fourth man replied: “My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.” The three friends said: “What a shame…what a disappointment.” The fourth man replied: “No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends
richmac Aug 2017 7:45am, 19 Aug 2017 10,799 posts	0 richmac Sorry straight cut and paste.... A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk." The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault!
Jock Itch Aug 2017 12:01pm, 19 Aug 2017 12,117 posts	0 Jock Itch To the scumbag that stole 100 cans of Red Bull from my shop!!! I don't know how you can sleep at night.
peachy Aug 2017 6:19pm, 19 Aug 2017 1,831 posts	0 peachy My running coach said I should be using shorter strides. I took 3 inch off my tracksuit bottoms but I'm still no faster
Jock Itch Aug 2017 6:16pm, 20 Aug 2017 12,118 posts	0 Jock Itch I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.
buttscratcher Aug 2017 9:39pm, 20 Aug 2017 368 posts	0 buttscratcher To the guy on crutches who stole my camouflage jacket You can hide but you can't run
DavieO. Aug 2017 10:45pm, 20 Aug 2017 95 posts	0 DavieO. Why do orphans use Persil? Cos they've got nae Daz.