Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.
134 watchers
Sep 2017
5:17pm, 22 Sep 2017
6,392 posts
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PaulaMc
How the hell do people manage when there are meetings and appointments being scheduled left, right and centre? I've already taken time off this year to attend hospital appointments with Dad, and OH is forever reorganising his day in order to speak to people. We've also missed random meetings that social workers have scheduled with Dad without telling us. Today I had a phone call (which I missed, as my phone was on silent at work, so I picked up a message) from a lady at something called Community Connections, telling me about a meeting that had been scheduled which she knew I wanted to attend. It sounds perfect, and just what Dad needs (the chance to meet up with other people in the community and just socialise), but I didn't know anything about her or the project, and had no prior knowledge of the meeting. I can't attend (I can't take more time off right now) and so once again OH is filling in. It's not even his parent! I feel so guilty about all the time he spends helping out. Yesterday I messaged my two half-sisters and told them that Dad will need their support when we are in NZ. The eldest one replied today that they will work something out. She is actually very lovely and helpful and has a young family of her own, plus lives a distance away, so I'm not going to moan about her, but it's hard that we have to bear the brunt of this all the time. Rant over. It's been a long week. I'm tired. |
Sep 2017
5:43pm, 22 Sep 2017
2,271 posts
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Fragile Do Not Bend
Thankfully I work part time and my brother works shifts, so between us we can usually help out my parents when needed. Are you entitled to take additional leave in the form of carer's leave? |
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Sep 2017
5:51pm, 22 Sep 2017
6,393 posts
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PaulaMc
I could take ‘domestic incident’ leave but it’s unpaid.
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Sep 2017
6:16pm, 22 Sep 2017
19,285 posts
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LindsD
It's really tough, Paula. I'm definitely feeling it now. My sister does a lot but there's a limit because of the distance.
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Sep 2017
6:28pm, 22 Sep 2017
19,744 posts
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LazyDaisy
Do the social workers have it recorded on your dad's notes that you should be party to the arrangement of any meetings, and not simply 'informed', Paula? (Not that they are even informing you it seems.) Your dad may need to make this explicit - in writing - and then any other organisations should be made aware in any referral from Social Services (which is where the Community Connections involvement has probably come from.) Having said all that, for a working person caring for someone needing frequent meetings and appointments it must be horrendously difficult. Is there anyone like an advocate who could go to at least some appointments and keep you informed? |
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Sep 2017
3:38pm, 28 Sep 2017
19,850 posts
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LazyDaisy
Well that was a useful outing and one I hope gives my mother a lot of food for thought. She's had an M&S voucher needing spending for ages and today was the day we went into town for her to spend it. Our M&S is in a pedestrianised area so I parked the car in the nearest available car park and we walked the maybe 250m to the store. This walk nearly floored my mother and she insisted we have something to eat before looking at any clothes. (It wasn't even midday at this point.) She ordered fish and chips in the M&S cafe but ate maybe half of the fish and considerably less than half of the chips, even though she professed to enjoy it. (I had the same and thought it was all rather dry, tbh.) While eating this tiny meal she was complaining that the helpings at the home were 'too small' and yet when she indicated on her fish how big the home portion would be, it was about the size that she'd actually eaten! Then we wandered around the clothes, and faute de mieux she chose a blue, warmish jumper which she will look pretty in. However, that effort exhausted her again and although she wanted to go to Boots (2 shops up) to buy face powder I had to leave her sitting on a bench while I went off to get the make-up. After that we walked back to the car but even then, she had to sit quite a while on another bench before she could make it all the way back. It was clear the effort of being out and about today has shattered her. I hope this will help her to accept once and for all, that living in a sheltered flat is no longer an option. She wouldn't be able to do her own shopping, housework was already not happening in her old house, and the mental processes of dealing with money are now beyond her. If she *can* accept it, maybe she will feel more content at last. I do hope so. |
Sep 2017
3:44pm, 28 Sep 2017
358 posts
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Little Miss Happy
I hope it has that effect on her LD but from what you've said so far I fear it may not.
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Sep 2017
3:55pm, 28 Sep 2017
19,357 posts
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LindsD
LMH has said was I was thinking as I read your post.
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Sep 2017
5:52pm, 28 Sep 2017
12,519 posts
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Carpathius
At least it's something you can remind her of when she starts talking about sheltered accommodation LD. MiL not doing very well. I need to have a conversation with her about her continence. |
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Sep 2017
5:56pm, 28 Sep 2017
19,367 posts
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LindsD
Oh no, Carp. In slightly better news, my Mum is doing OK. I'm hoping she'll be OK to be left on her own when my uncle goes home on Tues. I'm going home tomorrow, not before time. It's driving me mad being here, and I feel like I now live here and 'my' family are strangers. The situation with money (a bit complicated - thanks Dad) and my Mum's constant repetition of the same stories/opinions is hard to deal with, plus work is full-on and not getting the attention it needs whilst I'm also dealing with bank/probate/the TV not working. Hopefully once I return home we can start to work out what the new 'normal' looks like. |
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