Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

135 watchers
Apr 2019
8:14am, 19 Apr 2019
10,368 posts
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Garfield
Good news LD and LMH and glad your mum is returning to herself JK.
MH
Apr 2019
9:39am, 19 Apr 2019
558 posts
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MH
...."I am trying to take Mum as I find her, and stop my internal ranting, and just accept her as she now is, rather than hoping she might be as she was before. It's working so far" LindsD - that is such good advice and I so need to keep reminding myself of this !!!(yesterday would have been good)
My OH does far better than I do and has had worse to contend with.
Apr 2019
3:08pm, 19 Apr 2019
33,628 posts
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Lip Gloss
I maybe need to try that but I also find it hard as he has never really been a father to me - my mum and dad divorced over 50 years ago and he stayed down south to make his life and mum came home to her family with 4 kids and not much else.
Apr 2019
3:38pm, 19 Apr 2019
5,783 posts
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postieboy
I can't decide if my mum is becoming increasingly forgetful or she's being very selective in what she remembers. She'll forget something I told her yesterday and then remember it a few days later

🤔
Apr 2019
3:57pm, 19 Apr 2019
26,400 posts
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LazyDaisy
That does make for a difficult relationship, LG :-(
Apr 2019
4:44pm, 19 Apr 2019
17,940 posts
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ChrisHB
MIL is being impossible at her respite care home. Has called OH multiple times demanding to be taken home - it emerged eventually that the reason was that her cup of tea had gone cold. No sign that she understands we are 200 miles away.

She's accused the staff of not providing food for her (after eating it). She's alternating between being manipulative and pathetic. In TA terms, before this decline she was mostly all parent or all child, and it's now more obvious than ever.

She has probably ruined her chances of being accepted as a permanent resident. Yet I'm sure that she will put on a responsible performance if it comes to an interview at another home that she wants to go to.

Familiar stories, I know.
Apr 2019
4:52pm, 19 Apr 2019
3,793 posts
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Cyclops
We were asked to remove Mother from her first care home as she was too disruptive. The one that would take her was fabulously expensive, of course.
Apr 2019
5:15pm, 19 Apr 2019
26,405 posts
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LazyDaisy
My mum always complains that her cups of tea are too cold, Chris ;-) They probably are, too, because by the time the tea trolley's been taken round the heat has dissipated somewhat. Yesterday, when she was here, her post-lunch cup of tea was 'too hot - I need to let it cool down'.

I don't mean to make light of your MiL's behaviour though. The care home are bound to have had this sort of experience before, so I wouldn't be too down-hearted at her future prospects there.
Apr 2019
5:23pm, 19 Apr 2019
17,941 posts
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ChrisHB
One thing about the cup of tea is that at home, she has a microwave to warm it up again.

But things like a too-cold/hot/strong/weak tea/coffee now take on earth-shattering importance in her mind.
Apr 2019
5:25pm, 19 Apr 2019
25,275 posts
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HellsBells
Chris, tell your wife not to answer her calls. If there were a real problem the home will contact you

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk

Useful Links

FE accepts no responsibility for external links. Or anything, really.

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