Jun 2012
10:15pm, 5 Jun 2012
42,680 posts
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plodding hippo
Um I think the difference is that ndellar, you *did* actually say it was finished??
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Jun 2012
10:22pm, 5 Jun 2012
1,766 posts
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ndellar
All I was trying to say is that the "dumper" may be in just as much turmoil as the "dumpee" for want of a better phrase
And that things can turn out for the best in the end!
I'm not trying to stir it or cause any sort of argument btw
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Jun 2012
10:24pm, 5 Jun 2012
26,841 posts
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Hills of Death (HOD)
Obviously these stories match up lol.
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Jun 2012
10:26pm, 5 Jun 2012
26,842 posts
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Hills of Death (HOD)
Communication is the key if she won't talk then you have to accept that it won't change no matter what you do. It aint giving up sometimes although you have strong feelings for someone nothing you do will help.
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Jun 2012
10:29pm, 5 Jun 2012
7,781 posts
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James1982a
No arguments here. Just discussion. I do want to make it clear that you are all helping me a bit.
I hear what you are saying ndellar.
Just from my point of view, I would find it much easier if we could discuss things, see if there's anything I can do to change for the better, find out what I've done wrong so I don't ever do it again, and yes, maybe it is untenable but I would like the opportunity to just discuss it.
I don't deny I'll still be upset, but I think I'll be much less upset if I know why she doesn't want me anymore. Maybe there's something I can do about it?
I still want her. I love her. Not so long back she was saying she loved me too.
What has changed? What have I done to make her not want me?
She knows I'm not an agressive man. I won't shout and scream at her. I won't hurt her.
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Jun 2012
10:31pm, 5 Jun 2012
26,844 posts
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Hills of Death (HOD)
Sounds like HER past has come back to haunt YOU.
Unfortunately that does happen and until she does it cannot move forward
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Jun 2012
10:34pm, 5 Jun 2012
1,767 posts
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ndellar
Hoddlington xx
James, it sounds like a cliche, but sometimes things just run their course, and its a bit of an "its not you its me" situation. Are you actively still trying to contact her, e.g. would it have got to the point where you are freaking her out with emails/texts/whatever?
If this person keeps ignoring you and being this rude, is that really the type of person you want to be in a relationship with??
Sorry I know these are difficult questions
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Jun 2012
10:38pm, 5 Jun 2012
26,845 posts
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Hills of Death (HOD)
Exactly if its this bad now it isn't going to improve tbf. Sorry to bring bad news but it is true.
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Jun 2012
10:55pm, 5 Jun 2012
7,782 posts
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James1982a
I'm trying not to bombard her - but if she'd just reply or talk to me, there would be a lot less!
I didn't contact her for a week to give her some space, then sent her a text to say I'm mailed her and to ask how she is, and obviously an email to tell her how I was feeling and ask what's going on.
I don't see how it's going to hurt for her to reply to me She said she loved me, I just don't understand why she won't reply to me at all I must have done something terrible for her to ignore me like this. I'm really sorry for what ever it was.
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Jun 2012
11:22pm, 5 Jun 2012
1,768 posts
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ndellar
I've missed something here. I haven't really gone through all the posts here (sorry), when you say you didn't contact her for a week to give her some space, this implies some sort of argument / event / thing that kicked all this off, yet just now I got the impression this silence was all totally out if the blue. So what was the event if you don't mind me asking? Sorry if I'm being thick.
FWIW I have been through what you are going through with previous previous exes years ago, e.g. Split up, no apparent reason. I wanted to contact them, and did probably borderline annoyingly to get some sorts of answers and do you know what? I actually felt better and less stressed when I took the advice not to bother to contact them. I switched my phone off at night so I wasn't listening out for a reply to a text. I didn't obsessively check my emails. I went out and did stuff that made me happy. I started to feel better.
Do we all need another person to pin all our hopes of happiness on or should we do what makes us happy ourselves, and if someone comes along, great. If they don't ah well we're still happy.....
And now I'm off to bed. Hope this has been helpful. Take it easy.
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