The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?

22 watchers
Jul 2020
10:59am, 27 Jul 2020
39323 posts
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LindsD
Hope it goes well, TeeBee. You are *not* responsible for everyone. I have to admit I didn't realise the bubble thing was still in operation. Not sure how it can be if everyone is supposed to be back at work. We were on hol last weekend with both of our adult children, who live in different households, plus Billy, who currently lives with my Mum.
Jul 2020
11:27am, 27 Jul 2020
6521 posts
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TeeBee
Probably isn't Linds. I've given up trying to follow the guidance. I just want to protect my dad, especially as dh is now commuting again.
Jul 2020
11:28am, 27 Jul 2020
39326 posts
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LindsD
It may well be! Everything is so confusing. But yes, protecting your Dad must be the top priority.
Aug 2020
6:07pm, 5 Aug 2020
3642 posts
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ThorntonRunner
So I'm just off the phone to Son1 who is debating whether to take redundancy from his job (outdoor activity centre instructor) if he can get an assurance he'll be taken back on when the centre fully reopens supposedly in about Feb 2021 (as long as it doesn't go under in the meantime). The centre is shedding 6 of its 13 instructors.
Then later this evening I'll be collecting my 92yo dad who's being discharged after four days in hospital to take him to the home he shares with mum (96). He went in with shallow breathing and swollen ankles - scans suggest he's got a very weak heart. He's said to me a few times recently that he's wearing out.
Aug 2020
11:25am, 17 Aug 2020
39803 posts
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LindsD
I have just had a sandwich generation holiday. Took my Mum and the two younger kids (17 and 14) to stay with my sister for two weeks. It was mostly a nice break, although the weather made it difficult do anything, and we were plagued by mosquitos and flies. It was great to spend time with my sister and family. I felt v 'squeezed middle', though, as my mother was extremely dependent and needy, and wound me up something chronic. She was also the subject of 'what are we going to do with her?' conversations between Sis, BiL and me. And LittleD (14) was also difficult to be around, starting with wanting to go home as soon as we arrived (despite the fact that she had had the option of staying at home and rejected it), to being scared of their very elderly dog, to being problematic over eating, to being a moody teen who sleeps all day. I also felt that the way I handled her was being judged by my sister and mother culminating in a row on the last night that ended with me hiding crying in the local children's playground.

Now we are isolating at my Mum's house. What could possibly go wrong?
Aug 2020
11:58am, 17 Aug 2020
46526 posts
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McGoohan
That sounds incredibly hard Linds. You need a holiday to recover from the holiday.

Summary update here:
Eldest has been very ably coaxed/coached by Liebling through his various near-meltdowns to hand in his dissertation. He just has a live Q&A session to go.... And then he wants to go to medical school. I think the pressure of training to be a doctor is about the last thing he needs.

Aged Ps-in-law. Twice weekly help was obtained for them due to a) FiL's advanced dementia and MiL's various TIAs and other ailments. And... MiL sends the help away every week. Their GP has told her she needs regular professional help from outside the family. But no, "what does the doctor know". FFS.
Aug 2020
12:16pm, 17 Aug 2020
39805 posts
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LindsD
I feel a bit like I need another holiday, but it was good to mostly switch off from work for two weeks.

Medical school? That's a bit of a large commitment.

That situation with Ps-in-law sounds incredibly frustrating. Is there any way Liebling or sister can put pressure on them to accept the help? Ugh.
Aug 2020
12:26pm, 17 Aug 2020
46527 posts
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McGoohan
There is no-one on earth as stubborn as my MiL. She'd agreed to two days per week (i.e. 2 x 2 hours) originally but seeks to undermine all the time. Thing is, she has dementia too, not officially diagnosed but noticed when they were checking her out post-TIAs.

If anyone pushes back against her in any way, she gets aggressive or else lays on a big guilt-trip. They will (or one of them will) end up in a home because she refuses any help.

The helper was due to go today but I guess will be sent away today a) because it's raining and b) as she's 'not allowed in the house'.
Aug 2020
12:30pm, 17 Aug 2020
17244 posts
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Bazoaxe
McG, the refusal of help is really difficult to deal with. Only after maybe 3 or 4 years of having carers has MiL relented and accepted she needs them to be able to function. Yhis was in part due to her increasing lack of mobility but also a change in the carers who came to visit who were viewed as nurses rather than friends.

Funnily by allowing the carers to do their job, we have not had a UTI or hospital admittance in 2020. I reckon we had at least 8 of these in 2019, quite possibly more.
Aug 2020
1:37pm, 17 Aug 2020
46529 posts
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McGoohan
Baz - when you say that the carers "were viewed as nurses rather than friends" are you saying that things have improved now that she seems them in more of a medical capacity?

About This Thread

Maintained by McGoohan
I thought we already had a thread for this but it may have just been talk on the Aged Ps/Teens threa...

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