Support thread for parents of toddlers / pre-schoolers

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Sep 2018
2:52pm, 4 Sep 2018
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Wine Legs
Right. My conundrum is addressing my father's aversion to Pip's love of all things 'girly'.

Every single week when we talk to him (Weds morning), he makes some disparaging comment. I have to shut this down. He has never made any negative or disparaging comment about Squeak wearing 'boys' clothes (and she wears a LOT of 'boys' stuff). Only when Pip wears 'girls' stuff.

It's as if being a girl, or girly, is a bad thing in his eye. And that's massively disappointing because he only has three daughters.

Some of the comments he's made:
Only girls wear clips and bobbles! (Wrong. People with long hair wear clips and bobbles. It's just that most of them are girls. If Pip ever grows hair, I'm going to let it be long enough for clips and bobbles if that's what he wants to wear).

Don't you have any blue or green leggings he can wear? (Yes, probably, but he asked for pink or purple, so that's what he's wearing. And he chose the frilliest ones himself.)

Boys don't wear pink! (Er, yes they do. All the time.)

Boys don't wear dresses! (They certainly can if they want to. And Pip wants to. Vociferously!!)

Apparently I also encourage it too much. "It" being the kind of thing they deem inappropriate, like boys and dresses.

My mother also made a comment about "Getting it out of his system early", which I deliberately misinterpreted: "What? Being happy in being himself? I always want Pip to be happy to be himself!"

Seriously, it's been less than 100 years since it became acceptable for women to wear trousers, and we don't bat an eyelid. And why should dresses be limited to girls? or pink/purple? Or sparkles, frills and bows for that matter. It's so frustrating that 'boys' stuff is so dreary and we put our kids in it. Dresses for boys shouldn't be restricted to dress ups. I just need my dad (and mum) to stop being SO revoltingly disparaging about it.

Help! Please.
Sep 2018
3:03pm, 4 Sep 2018
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lammo
Hmmm sounds like a tough one there WL

Just a different era i think, though perhaps them being so far away and not seeing him happy day to day makes it more difficult.
Sep 2018
3:05pm, 4 Sep 2018
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lammo
My son was is (now 6) perfectly happy in shorts / trousers.

My daughter (now 3) won't wear skirts or dresses and only shorts / trousers / leggings, which i have to say are perfectly sensible options for what she is doing.

Going to school next year will be interesting, assume she'll be in trousers...
Sep 2018
4:44pm, 4 Sep 2018
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Lizzie W
:-( I don't know, WL. Does he say it in front of the children?
Sep 2018
7:18pm, 4 Sep 2018
26,265 posts
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halfpint
It's a really tough one. You are unlikely to change their minds so what is the best choice in terms of the wellbeing of Pip. You can either address it head on and ask them to respect your choices as a parent and to stop undermining that. Or you keep reiterating the message to Pip that his choices are OK. Your kiddies are still wee but it's a life lesson in a sense - we are all different, we have different preferences and different perspectives and whilst we respect Grandad's choice to be a bit old fashioned, we are free to choose to be more enlightened :)
Sep 2018
8:22pm, 4 Sep 2018
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Wine Legs
Yes Lizzie, we're on Skype, so it's all in front of or too the kids. They were here for 7 weeks over summer too...with much of the same comments.
Sep 2018
8:29pm, 4 Sep 2018
18,190 posts
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Lizzie W
Sigh, how awkward. Doesn't he have anything more interesting to talk about?!
I did have to tell my dad that if he kept trying to make me a Christian, we wouldn't be coming round - we've got on much better since...
Sep 2018
8:40pm, 4 Sep 2018
4,504 posts
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Wine Legs
Golf & the weather...*sigh*
Sep 2018
8:44pm, 4 Sep 2018
4,505 posts
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Wine Legs
He's also racist, fatist, anti-gay...anti anything fun, flamboyant, zany, wild, etc. Tattoos, piercings...he doesn't know one of my sister's has a tattoo. He threatened to kick me out of the house for piercing my ears a second time. Even though he didn't notice until my sisters squealed!
Sep 2018
8:45pm, 4 Sep 2018
18,191 posts
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Lizzie W
Change the screen to monochrome and swap the twins over 😀

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Maintained by Wine Legs
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