Support thread for parents of teenagers
135 watchers
Oct 2021
2:13pm, 12 Oct 2021
15,806 posts
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geordiegirl
Hi hope you don’t mind a non parent pooping by but thought you parents may have some advice or thoughts on a situation. One of my best friends has a daughter, she’ll be 14 soon. She is a beautiful young lady with amazing family and friends but last year she stopped wanting to eat in front of people at school and started saying she was fat/had body image issues. She is far from it. It now turns out she is self harming. Her mum and dad are amazing as is the school but as a friend I want to support my friend too. Little one is getting counselling although with all things covid it’s been sporadic and I didn’t know if anyone had experience of similar concerns and can advise on other things to try. She had social media but parents don’t want to breach her privacy, I wondered if it was groups she is on where she may think it’s supportive but actually a trigger. Thanks in advance |
Oct 2021
6:56pm, 12 Oct 2021
5,323 posts
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ThorntonRunner
My youngest was self harming and suffered from anxiety and depression from about the same age. They're now 24 and so much better and at ease with themself and their place in the world. Thinking back, for the youngster - a light touch and make sure that home can be their safe place. They might not share anything at the moment, but make sure that when they're ready, they can feel safe to share. As a friend if the mum, the best thing you can do is be available to listen. It's hard being a parent in that situation, and having someone outside the immediate family to unload to is a massive help when things get tough |
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Oct 2021
8:43pm, 12 Oct 2021
15,807 posts
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geordiegirl
Thank you TR it must be devastating. She talked to her about scarring and she said she doesn’t cut deep enough to scar. So she’s getting information from somewhere which is why I worry the SM groups are not helping. I will make sure I meet my friend regularly and check in more often too |
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Oct 2021
8:59pm, 12 Oct 2021
5,324 posts
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ThorntonRunner
There are definitely some nasty social media / internet links out there, some of which provide information in order to encourage self harm. It's a difficult one - banning social media is likely to isolate and antagonise her, encouraging her to view her parents as the enemy. We didn't interfere with internet access. That possibly encouraged behaviour that was painful for all of us, but by keeping the lines open, and having home as open and non-judgmental it meant that when they were ready to talk, they were happy to talk to us. It also meant that they never avoided home - whilst they spent most of their time in their room, at least they felt that was a safe place. Obviously I can only talk from our own experience and every situation is different.
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Oct 2021
9:12pm, 12 Oct 2021
35,854 posts
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halfpint
In terms of self harm it is ultimately a (maladaptive) coping strategy. Unless she has a more appropriate strategy which gives the same relief then the self harm is likely to continue. It’s tough advice but when we did training they spoke about having a ‘safe’ kit (clean items and appropriate after care) preferably kept securely so it takes a little time to access. If they are going to cut (I presume we’re talking cutting) then at least it’s as safe as it can be.
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Oct 2021
9:28pm, 12 Oct 2021
15,810 posts
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geordiegirl
My friend is amazing & has open and trusting conversations with her daughter daughter had scissors in her room but she’s gave them up if she feels the need to harm she has to walk to another room hoping that gives time to consider other options. It must be devastating. Thank you for your honest experiences and advice I’m glad I don’t have kids at times. ❤️ |
Oct 2021
10:15pm, 12 Oct 2021
50,138 posts
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LindsD
Sorry to change subject but does anyhave any experience of private HPV jab? Billy isn't eligible for NHS one. I can only find providers who want £465.
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Oct 2021
10:41pm, 12 Oct 2021
25,608 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
If he was eligible but missed it, he should be able to have it on NHS anyway - is he too old?
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Oct 2021
10:58pm, 12 Oct 2021
50,139 posts
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LindsD
GP said no. Think he's too old at nearly 19. Only girls in his cohort at school.
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Oct 2021
8:06am, 13 Oct 2021
1,424 posts
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poppyH
I was quoted £165 2 years ago, never quite got round to organising it.
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