Support thread for parents of teenagers
135 watchers
Jan 2021
7:56pm, 18 Jan 2021
165 posts
|
kaysdee
Oh my goodness - that’s so interesting and something I’d never actually considered. He does this thing with his shoulder blades / arms that freaks me out that I’d never even considered the writing might be a physical bodily issue. I know he’d certainly rather eat with his fingers than use cutlery and is always clicking his fingers, but I’ll see what I observe. He doesn’t have great gross motor skills, but he was born with clubbed feet so it was always put down to that. Walks into things, trips over nothing, doesn’t try to catch until a ball has smacked him in the face (hates PE), randomly drops things. I guess if gets to see the OT soon, that would be helpful (she did warn it is a long waiting list). We’ve had some fascinating discussions during lockdown though. All of the quirks, some can be irritating, like not saying “hello” when he answers the phone or just hanging up when he’s got what he needs... some things that drive you mad but it would be unkind to bring up in case it hurt his feelings, although he personally lacks a filter! Out of frustration over something one day I asked “why do you do that??” and it was such a logical response that it made me laugh and think, actually, that’s a good point. It made me realise I’d never really tried to put myself in his head or listen to his perceptions. I didn’t realise at 13 that phone etiquette, or how to spit when brushing his teeth was something I needed to teach (?!) Some very revealing Q&A and gave me a much better understanding over where he’s coming from and what life is like for him. Things like realising I was confusing him as he doesn’t totally understand sarcasm (and I use a lot of sarcasm, ha). Another time mid discussion I asked quickly, “tell me what you’re thinking right now” to get an unfiltered response (some lesson he was supposed to be doing, his eyes are constantly flitting around the room) and in a verbal splurge, “well, actually I’m looking at that orange in the fruit bowl and wondering how long it’s been there and if it’s indented on the bottom and ooh, how would I know if I'm colour blind? (he’s not). What’s to say orange to a colour blind person isn’t really green and because they see orange things as green they just think green is orange?” 😂. I asked if that jump of like a version of word association happened a lot when he’s normally in class... yep 😉 He’s amazing though. I love him to death - he’s so funny and has an absolute heart of gold. |
Jan 2021
8:11pm, 18 Jan 2021
33,920 posts
|
halfpint
Sounds like an issue with proprioception in the mix kaysdee. Here’s a video I sometimes use in training m.youtube.com
|
|
Jan 2021
8:14pm, 18 Jan 2021
33,921 posts
|
halfpint
Another site our local OTs recommend is nhsggc.org.uk
|
Jan 2021
8:35pm, 18 Jan 2021
3,674 posts
|
Pothunter
Sounds very similar to my daughter who’s now in yr9. “Masked” her way through primary school but the wheels fell off in yr7. Still waiting formal ASD diagnosis (we were told 22 month waiting list!). Fortunately she’s got an EHCP now so getting better support at school. Get the ASD process moving ASAP and don’t be put off if your first go is rejected. |
|
Jan 2021
8:36pm, 18 Jan 2021
3,675 posts
|
Pothunter
I meant to say get the EHCP process moving ASAP...
|
|
Jan 2021
9:27pm, 18 Jan 2021
166 posts
|
kaysdee
Fascinating. I’ve been doing so many things wrong over the years. Completely clearing his workspace when he was younger because if he noticed something like a paper clip he’d play with that instead, telling him to keep still, etc, and then getting frustrated that he’d just sit and look at his book/work and not know what to do... not realising the external stimuli allowed him to work as best he could. This is really eye opening, thank you! Fortunately, for the past couple of years I’ve bought him every fidget thing that took his fancy (he has a trinket box). I’ve had a lot of experience over the years with my eldest, but as his are physical disabilities and health issues it’s much easier to understand and adapt to his needs. Man, I know I haven’t, but I really feel like I’ve failed S13. I wish someone had explained these types of things years ago. His inability to recognise people’s personal space, the number of times he’s nearly tripped me up just randomly cutting across my path when walking... I’m so glad I posted as something has clicked into place for me. Maybe because he’s my youngest, but he’s never “bothered” me with his behaviours. It’s just part of him. Since around 10 years old, when he began to be aware of some of his differences and become upset, I’ve always told him to embrace himself and not to conform, but I have seen others become irritated with him and I recognise that isn’t entirely helpful to hear something like that when society itself expects compliance. Yes, referral re: ASD was the other thing the paediatrician did. Apparently head of SEN is going to contact me imminently, so this is all massively helpful. One funny story - the school does a musical play each year. Last time was Phantom, just before lockdown, and I’ve seen a lot of theatre shows, but the calibre of the performance from the kids was absolutely outstanding. Closing evening, the head gives his well done speech - the stage has temporary stairs going up on each side - they’re all standing (looking bored but waiting patiently)... I’ve never tried to catch S13’s eye so much in all my life! He’s half way up the stairs. The longer the head is talking, S13 then starts looking around, then starts twisting from side to side, then starts leaning on the railing, then hooks his arm under it and leaning on it more heavily and I’m thinking “OMG, he’s going to pull the whole thing down. Please stand still”. The head finished talking just in time 😂 |
Jan 2021
9:57am, 30 Jan 2021
20,634 posts
|
Serendippily
Slightly fed up by all the “missing their friends” assumptions. C9 gets on well with people via technology: her humour and her sarcasm get some band width. When she goes back, she’ll be back on the edges of conversation, scared of going to the toilets on her own, all the pecking order reinforced. The pandemic is having an impact: between them all in the classroom they get enough of the point and listen enough to do some group work. On teams they don’t have that, it’s all public, and half the people she would talk to on the side aren’t allowed phones during school hours. She is making up for that by Googling lessons, which is a great life skill, and we are really lucky this is not an exam year. But the social stuff will bite worse and worse the longer she is off, when she goes back to all the social hierarchy again with diminished protection. We have notification they are going to be part of the daily saliva test trial for two months so there’s a fair chance she will be back start March
|
|
Jan 2021
9:58am, 30 Jan 2021
20,635 posts
|
Serendippily
Sorry I know this is mild stuff I’m having a very ranty week
|
Jan 2021
10:27am, 30 Jan 2021
24,485 posts
|
Lizzie Whizzmas
The social stuff is incredibly important and impacts on learning,and it's not the same for each person (like adults).
|
Jan 2021
10:46am, 30 Jan 2021
8,224 posts
|
WA
Kaysdee- my daughter was diagnosed with autism last year after a 2 yr wait. She doesn't understand sarcasm at all- her interpretation of verbal language is literal, and she is easily overwhelmed by a lot of information. She had a physics test recently- she's really confident with physics- and she did really badly. She said there were too many words, and because she couldn't process them and make sense of them, she just guessed all the answers. By the time the diagnosis arrived, she was pretty comfortable in her own skin, but we had a very wobbly time on the way. As Pothunter says- get the ball rolling now.
|
Related Threads
-
Assisting teens in choosing university for 2021 during a pandemic
Nov 2020
-
Any Teenage Fetchies?
Feb 2021
-
Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.
Apr 2024
-
The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
-
Parental Health Concerns
Apr 2021
-
They're growing up - support for parents
Sep 2016
-
Family Fun Question
Mar 2016
-
Fetchie Family Law Experts- I need you!
Apr 2019
-
Activity holidays for families
Feb 2016
-
Support thread for educators of any type, academics, teachers, early years etc.
Feb 2024
