Joke of the day........
505 watchers
Apr 2021
9:22am, 7 Apr 2021
49,135 posts
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McGoohan
I love Easter. One day a year it’s just nice to know that everyone else is having chocolate for breakfast too.
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Apr 2021
9:23am, 7 Apr 2021
49,136 posts
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McGoohan
My second worst memory of school is the time I was suspended from class. My worst memory is the time they actually dropped me.
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Apr 2021
9:23am, 7 Apr 2021
49,137 posts
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McGoohan
I’d like to send a big thank you to the inventor of large print books.
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Apr 2021
9:24am, 7 Apr 2021
49,138 posts
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McGoohan
People take the piss out of me for having an old phone, but I get the last laugh when they trip over the cable.
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Apr 2021
10:41am, 8 Apr 2021
12,840 posts
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Jason1969
Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon. When it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim. I nearly drowned.
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Apr 2021
8:34pm, 8 Apr 2021
14,887 posts
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MarkyMarkMark (3M)
Parrot Attitude parrotA young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" |
Apr 2021
9:41pm, 8 Apr 2021
13,457 posts
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Jock Itch
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently. And conducting himself properly. |
Apr 2021
9:43pm, 8 Apr 2021
13,458 posts
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Jock Itch
A guy is having a check up at the doctor's... "Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?" "I doubt it" says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now" "I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc" "Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke" Weigheyyy!!! |
Apr 2021
10:33pm, 8 Apr 2021
13,459 posts
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Jock Itch
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo... I had to put my foot down. |
Apr 2021
10:43pm, 8 Apr 2021
587 posts
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Maccathecracker
Footballer to ref: If I called you a *** would send me off ? Ref: Yes Footballer: What if I just thought it? Ref: I cant send you off for thinking something. Footballer: I think you’re a ****. |
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