depression
241 watchers
May 2020
8:21pm, 29 May 2020
42,425 posts
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Derby Tup
i_w sympathies. I’ve been furloughed since April 1 and although with my wife working financially it’s not been a huge blow emotionally and spiritually I’ve struggled like hell on and off. Last week was awful. It might seem daft but dealing with the best part of a year’s cancer treatment in 2019 was a doddle for me compared to this
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May 2020
10:13pm, 29 May 2020
1,857 posts
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PenW
That sounds really tough i_w and derby tup. I hope things do improve soon, for everyone. NRGEE sent me an fmail and asked me to let you know that she is safe. She’s still really struggling but has support and is managing to keep herself safe. She does appreciate everyone’s support. |
May 2020
10:15pm, 29 May 2020
42,437 posts
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Derby Tup
Thanks for NRGEE’s update Pen
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May 2020
10:52pm, 29 May 2020
3,344 posts
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ThorntonRunner
That's good to hear re NRGEE Hope things improve soon for i_w and DT |
May 2020
12:22am, 30 May 2020
17,863 posts
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Serendippily
Sending some love to you all x
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May 2020
12:01pm, 30 May 2020
566 posts
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NRGEE
I am at the bottom of a deep black big hole and can see no light and there is no way out. i don't know if I want to get out- as to be honest- I don't want to live ( sorry if this offends anyone). Although I regret handing my medication- I know it was the right thing to do. I have been phoning the crisis team and getting telephone support at night. This for me is better than the samaritans( which incidently are great too)- as the crisis team have access to my psychiatric notes and also record our conversation and how I was on the system my psychiatrist and cpn use. I started digital CBT for insomnia 3 weeks ago. I am into the 3rd week of the 6 week course. This week I have to do something called sleep restriction. my program has been set that I go to bed at 11.30 and have to get up at 5.30am. it is a scientifically proven evidence based program that has a good success rate. If you are awake for longer than 15 mins- I have to get out of bed and leave my bedroom. I have chosen to sit on a chair in my study. I then have chosen to either listen to relaxing music or look at photos - and I am not to go back to bed until I feel really tired. I went to bed at 11.30 but was wide awake by 3.15am.......so I got up and sat in said chair in study. I did not feel tired and so did not go back to bed. At some stage my body is going to have to give in and allow me some sleep- but it hasn't happened yet. My Morton's Neuroma- I have decided to get a private GP referral for the surgeon that operated on it in 2013. He works at the Nuffield. I have been told the wait on the NHS will be at least 6-9months. The surgeon is only meant to be doing urgent private work; but I have managed to put my case across that running is essential for my mental well being- even though I can only do up yo 20 mins. Am hoping for an assessment v soon. AS for the cost of the surgery- I have no idea yet- but you can take out a medical loan at 0% interest free and pay back over 10 months( which is what I think I shall do),. The surgeon is a colleague of my brother-in-law( also an orthopaedic surgeon). The surgery is done under a GA. Although many surgeons would discharge you the same day, my surgeon likes to keep his patients in overnight- which for me i think is a good idea considering the complexity of my medication and the fact I live alone Thank you Fetchies for all the v kind f mails ( esp PenW) and responses to the depression forum and my blog. NRGEE |
May 2020
12:22pm, 30 May 2020
17,879 posts
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Serendippily
It sounds very tough NRGEE and the fight to keep going when you can’t imagine feeling better is very hard. Remembering what that is like - the energy it took - is what makes me panic every time I start feeling bleak. In the end it was humour as much as the CBT that worked for me - I was part of a group and we were all in such a sorry state. But I did get that fighting it is not an admission that things aren’t that bad. I am sorry I cannot be more help because I have done inkling about how horrible it is xx
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May 2020
7:12pm, 30 May 2020
1,991 posts
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idle_wilder
Oh NRGEE, I'm so sorry to read this and sorry I can't offer more than the support you'll get professionally and on here. Thank you, folks. |
May 2020
7:44pm, 30 May 2020
3,081 posts
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12barDavid
Hello NRGEE, I’m sorry to read your still feeling low. I can relate slightly to what your going through with your insomnia. I have terrible tinnitus that keeps me awake at night. The Audiologist at my local hospital as booked me in for a course of CBT, but because of the virus, I haven’t heard anything for ages. My Audiologist has been helpful & told me pretty much what you’ve been told. Get up & read a book, a paper one, not one on a kindle or iPhone etc. Write out a shopping list etc, anything to take my mind off the constant buzzing in my ears. I’ve got to be honest, it hasn’t really helped. Please know that you are in our thoughts & it’s great that you can sit down & type out your thoughts. Keep us updated & if I remember correctly, your seeing the psychiatrist on Monday. Hang on in there, one step at at a time. Sending you lots of love & hugs. (()).👍 |
May 2020
9:35pm, 30 May 2020
567 posts
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NRGEE
Thanks everyone. I have a phone call with my CPN to see if we can get a videocall set up for tuesday when i speak to my psychiatrist.it will be good to actually "see" him albeit virtually. i hope we can get the video call to work. 'Cos of the sensitive nature of what we discuss- things like ZOOM are not secure enough. Anyway i am doing a sleep restriction week this week as part of the CBT for insomnia. bed at 11.30pm and up at 5.30am. If I am awake for longer than 15mins in bed- I have to get up and leave the bedroom and only return when tired. Woke fully at 2.45am and have been up since. Naps aren't allowed......it is REALLY hard. It is making me feel physically as well as mentally unwell. Have self referred to a local talking therapy service- something called EMDR (google it!) has been recommended to me by my psychiatrist to help treat my PTSD. I don't really understand how it works- but it is meant to b v effective and Pen W has kindly reassured me about my concerns. Not sure I am ready to embark on it yet- but want to get my name on a waiting list. Have to fill out questionnaire and a tel assessment- then they decide what is suitable for me liasing with my GP and psychiatrist. Am totally fed up and once again can honestly say I don't want to be alive any more. BUT all my tablets are handed in and I'm too scared to try any other "method". Off for a shower and turning off pC - as have to stop using it at 9.30pm following this CBT sleep plan. NRGEE |
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