Bereavement

24 watchers
Aug 2020
2:57pm, 26 Aug 2020
40100 posts
  •  
  • 0
LindsD
We put a bench for my Gran in a country park that she loved. Sadly it's not near me, and family who are there didn't look after it, so when my Mum went recently it had gone :-0

However, in the intervening years we had had many family parties and gatherings there, and my Mum had gone there a lot when she was visiting family. And as you say, DQ, the kids knew it was my Gran's bench.

I suppose I should try and find out who has the plaque that we put on it. And perhaps we should do another one. Or maybe it has served its purpose.
Aug 2020
2:58pm, 26 Aug 2020
40101 posts
  •  
  • 0
LindsD
After Dad died I said I would do one of those funeral wishes things, but I didn't. I should.
Aug 2020
3:02pm, 26 Aug 2020
19420 posts
  •  
  • 0
Angus Clydesdale
I've told my lot they should get the cheapest disposal possible and spend the money on a great, all-inclusive, holiday in my honour instead. Depending on the time of year they're either going skiing or on a watersports/beach holiday.

I'm absolutely dumbfounded by the amount of money people are prepared to spend on a casket that's either getting buried for the foreseeable or sent up in flames (and all the associated trimmings).
Aug 2020
3:06pm, 26 Aug 2020
4996 posts
  •  
  • 0
DoricQuine
Sounds like your mum is still grieving EP. How long has it been since you lost your dad
Aug 2020
3:17pm, 26 Aug 2020
18440 posts
  •  
  • 0
EvilPixie
July last year

He had cancer (3 types) for 9 years I knew Nov 2018 that he wasn't going to win the battle but mum always said he was "poorly" and never accepted it so when he went it hit her hard

I feel I missed the last few days as she didn't admit to how ill he was despite what the hospital said
Aug 2020
3:26pm, 26 Aug 2020
4997 posts
  •  
  • 0
DoricQuine
Oh EP that is hard on both of you. We never know quite how we will cope with things until they happen but sorry you missed out on precious time with your dad x
Aug 2020
3:36pm, 26 Aug 2020
18441 posts
  •  
  • 0
EvilPixie
it was so hard - I had a packed bag in my car for about a month before he went

mum, even now questions things which makes it harder for her

Great gran is 99 and FIL has cancer too (hopefully OK) but it does make you realise how fragile life is

Not seen great gran since Christmas (not that she would recognise us :-( )
Aug 2020
3:56pm, 26 Aug 2020
16325 posts
  •  
  • 0
Sharkie
My dad died when I was 21 and away at art college - he was 47. We'd spoken the previous Saturday and my brother and I went to the funeral but I couldn't tell you the year or the day without working it out. Sometime early 1970s. Mum insisted on no black and no drawn curtains. Dad was cremated but I also have no idea what happened to the ashes.

Mum died at 93 (ish) and was also cremated. Wicker coffin. We were very close but again I couldn't tell you the date of her death and I don't do anniversaries - although of course I acknowledge they are very helpful, perhaps invaluable for many.

Everyone if different and it really is best to find your own way through grief - and guilt if there is any. No guilt for me but I loved my mum very much. I was less close to my dad and accept that too.
Aug 2020
4:05pm, 26 Aug 2020
18444 posts
  •  
  • 0
EvilPixie
very true sharkie

I have to be careful (i shout a lot in my head) as I can get very bitter and mum reliving everything and I have moments when I feel she deprived me of those last days because she couldn't accept it.

she said (in passing) a few months after he passed that the week before the hospital said he had days (as they drained 1.5l of fluid off his lungs)
jda
Aug 2020
6:05pm, 26 Aug 2020
8181 posts
  •  
  • 0
jda
My Dad's funeral was really good in the end, I'd wondered if it was going to be a bit desperate as all local friends said "of course we won't be coming" but we had the (very few) closest remaining family on his side plus his best friend from school+university days that I'd somehow not met in living memory if ever (he was best man at their wedding 60y ago so my mum knew him quite well too) and after a very brief but nicely done service we all had a good natter over coffee.

It's sad to think of the things we won't be doing and saying again but that was already the case some time ago, so for once the religious platitudes about being in a better place actually rang true to me! It's also good to have had an excuse to break the ice and restart visiting my mum which I'll try to keep on doing regardless of the covid situation as we are all very much isolated in our daily lives (her even more without my dad to visit any more) and should be super-low-risk.

About This Thread

It strikes me that we have a variety of threads to discuss life and its challenges but we don’t ha...

Related Threads

  • rip
  • support

Flat as a pancake?

We've collected thousands of your reviews from events, and worked out which races give you the best chance of a fast time!

UTMOST

Beat your league rivals to gain weekly promotion. Compete at every distance from a mile to a marathon.

Marathon Prediction

We delve deeper to give you greater insights when working out your goal marathon time.

Fetch Everyone Running Club

Join our UKA-affiliated club for event discounts, London Marathon ballot places, the chance to get funded for coaching qualifications, and a warm feeling inside.


Back To Top
X

Free training & racing tools for runners, cyclists, swimmers & walkers.

Fetcheveryone lets you analyse your training, find races, plot routes, chat in our forum, get advice, play games - and more! Nothing is behind a paywall, and it'll stay that way thanks to our awesome community!
Get Started
Click here to join 108,551 Fetchies!
Already a Fetchie? Sign in here