Fetcheveryone Member of the Month

emdee asks: 'grats oh Chiefy one. Now.. will we win the prem next season, the one after, or both?

BigChiefRunningBore says: I was worried for Kenny that Roy had wrecked the totally shit team that Rafa built/ ruined. He has amazed me. Not sure about big Andy C up front, but am sure - 100%, OK 99% - that by May 2012 it will be 19-19 on the scoreboard that matters.

John66 asks: Finally! Hoorah. Are you going to change your name as your current "beau" doesn't think running is boring? You thoroughly deserve this by the way as the support you give to others is immense. Sometimes quite amusing as well.

BigChiefRunningBore says: You cannot change your name - it's against the rules dude. how many times have you done it now?

BigChiefRunningBore asks: How come you are such a huge tool?

BigChiefRunningBore says: I asked myself a question and answered it and therefore must be a huge tool.

Ted asks: List your top 5 apples in order please? And why.

BigChiefRunningBore says: Cox, Pink lady, Tenation, Cider, the apple of my eye

MaT.T asks: What you drinking? Pre race, during race and post race? Why?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Pre-race drink is Tea
During race water, i-so-tonic, gin & tonic, whatever they hand me.
Post race Tea is best, but a pint goes down well.
Srrsly I am tending towards i-so-tonic drinks rather than gels. Not sure gels really work except for mini boost and better recovery. Carrying stuff is a pain, gels belts are a pain and everyone in a bottle belt looks a complete wanker (unless in the desert then they look totally hard) - the stoopidest ones are the ones that look little grenade belts, what are those people thinking!!

Ocelot Spleens asks: Well done, thoughly deserved on many levels, I do enjoy reading your blogs, have you always been so mouthy?

BigChiefRunningBore says: As far as I remember I have had always had a mouth. I am quite shy really, but in set circumstances I am happy to stand up, speak and make a tit of myself; a point I have proved often enough.

Kevski asks: He's big, he's Chief
He's member of the month,
Cheify, chiefy!

How many pre-prace poos do you usually have? Do you have a certain number to reach optimal perfromance?

BigChiefRunningBore says: I don't think enough is made about poo and pooing rituals. I have approached RW and Men's Running with a pitch about a shit hot story - they don't seem keen - the big jessies. Someone needs to take the poo-thing by both hands and get to the bottom of it! It's like there is a taboo of good taste preventing people for letting rip. All runners face poo problems. Indeed you aren't a real runner until you have made like a bear - woods or no woods. All the greats have done it. In fact the locals used to complain about Ron Hill. Streaking is one thing - but go before you run Ron! The build up of Ron's poo was so vast it led to an emergency debate in parliament.

Getting back to your question though Kev, I HAVE to go beforehand. Am sure its an anxiety thing.

HappyG(rrr) asks: Many congrats Chiefy. You've achieved some big running improvements in the last 12 months. How much better do you think you could get if you weren't a lazy ar*e? Lots of love, :-)G

BigChiefRunningBore says: Thanks honey pot.
Being a touch on the old side I think my window is closing slightly. I am sure I ain't peaked just yet. Maximum is probably 39 mins for 10k and equivalents, although I think I am better over longer distances despite by WAVA scores saying otherwise. I do need to move on and do real training with structure and thought, I just need to find someone to trust with the thinking bit.

Spark asks: Congratulations! How many hours a year do you spend on FE? I would like to see your workings out please

BigChiefRunningBore says: Too many me dear.

There are so many souls on here I have to care for - it's (occasionally literally) like being Father Christmas. I have to pop down all their little chimneys, fill up their sacks with good news and jollys and hope they stay away from crime and drugs. It's such a big responsibility. I try to avoid working Saturdays though.

Jock Itch asks: Why do you try to stick your tongue in my ear on all Fetch Socials and John Noakes used to tell Shep to 'get downnnn'. If you had a dog what would you tell him to do ??

BigChiefRunningBore says: It's such a lovely ear, all pink and flappy, not hidden by hair...
If I had a dog I would tell him to Fetch my slippers - I really do need a sit down.

Dave B asks: There is a decent chap from Watfeeerdd (bear with me)
Who has a rather fetching hot bird (see what I did there?)

Although he’s a proper scouse
This one won’t rob your house
He’s final MOTM after months of trying
Roll on the next social, the Chief is buying!

Well done cheeky chops. What’s the closest you’ve ever come to being arrested? Or if you have been arrested, what was it for?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Nice poem there pet - I see I have inspired ye.
I have been arrested actually, oh the mad days of student activism ie being a wanker

bigleggy asks: If you won the Euromillions and didn't have to work for a living, how would you chose to spend your time ?

BigChiefRunningBore says: If I won a large amount of money I would go bonkers. I would pay for British waterways to improve long stretches of the GU Canal tow path. I would buy a the biggest, most grand trophy I could find and give it to Watford Joggers to award the to person who fell into the steeplechase water jump with the least grace at the annual Track Night.

Hills of Death (HOD) asks: Finally got you stiched up la...do de what happened to your Scouse accent soft lad

BigChiefRunningBore says: Dearest HOD, thank you kind sir. Well truth is I ain't Scouse. I is from the Wirral innit, and Bebington no less (Lower rather than Higher - we weren't posh).

Mrs Winkle asks: Do you think you're funny or something?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Ooooh get you Plus I have seen me naked and KNOW I am funny!

Sunbed Athlete asks: If you could shoot one person on Fetchland and get away with it who would it be and why?

BigChiefRunningBore says: It wouldn't be you darling. I won't shoot anyone although a week in the stocks might bring some down a peg or two.

Barky asks: Who should Dalglish buy for next season?

BigChiefRunningBore says: This has all happened now - almost new team.

Enthusiastic! asks: Many congrats motherfunker What is the title of your biography going to be? A) Apples & Pears B) Love Mountain - The Ascent or C) Don't Read This, Zzzzz... Oh, and what are the chances of you posting a picture of yourself in a tri suit? Just for fun

BigChiefRunningBore says: Nice question mrs lady. It would have to be C.
Now tri suit pictures. OK gather round dudes here's some rules for the good of the nation:-
Tri suits photos OK if you can met at least 9 of the followingl:
You are under 32 years old;
You have muscles from Brussels;
You have qualified for GBR team or similar;

You have thighs of oak;

You are at angle or on a bike - no sausage in clingfilm image;

It's a nice colour;

It's actually been used in a real life Tri event.

Otherwise it's letters to Points of View and vomit on laptop keyboards up and down the land.

Muds asks: From your elevated ivory tower, will you be looking to improve the apparently, hostile terrain between Watford & Berko? It must be very demanding, holding onto an imaginative blog, whilst maintaining some kind of appearance of a work ethic. Do you regularly copy and paste blogs to clients?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Indeed feeding the daily blog monster is hard work. The tow path will have to wait until I win Lotto millions, although buying a ticket would be a start.

PaulaMc asks: Well deserved Your top 5 Ultimate Dinner Party guests, please. Can be alive or dead (just assume dead ones still alive at the table ...)

BigChiefRunningBore says: Ah this is hard.

First would be Louis Theroux, he would have tonnes of great stories, ask some great questions and not hog the limelight.
Second, Bill Hicks - he would be a nightmare drink all the bourbon and smoke in the house. But he would be a fab bullshit spotter.
Third, Eddie Izzard for gags.
Fourth, I need a singer Johnny Cash, he might drink with Bill though.
Last but not least I would invite someone special so we could talk about it endlessly and she could do the washing up.

Bazoaxe asks: Well done, but please explain why/how a bore won the MOTM.....

Serious (or maybe boring question) question, whats the goal now 3:15 is in the bag

BigChiefRunningBore says: Yeah I think I was voted for because I was the last choice. A bit like picking football teams as a kid - eventually you get picked. I am also an brilliant runner with tonnes of invaluable and incise thoughts on training - such as "Run More Not Less" and "Try Running Faster".
Goals - I hope to get near sub 19 for 5k and run another sub 1:30 Half. Marathons - somewhere from 3:04 to 3:09.59 as the target. Just the thought of it makes me feel sore.

ogee asks: Following on from a previous question, how come you've got such a huge tool?

BigChiefRunningBore says: It's natural and can not be bought off the internet. Thanks for asking.

CrazyLegs asks: Massive congrats!! This is a serious question... Will the mighty Wolves ever win the Premier League?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Crazylegs by name Crazy dreams by nature. Wolves are as likely to win the premier league as I am to win the London marathon dressed as a Spartan. Sorry, but the Johnstone's Paint trophy might be yours one day.

Joopsy asks: Why is Paul Hardcastle so popular these days? Please work out the following sums: 6x3+1=? 12+7=? 7x3-2=?. Is it your year AGAIN next year? What is going on between you and my Mrs? YSB

BigChiefRunningBore says: Nnnnnnnna 19 is the answer you smug manc you. To be fair apart from this year Man Ure have deserved what they have won. You've had some great players but mostly you have a great manager, who whilst being a annoying pr*ck is truly great. The whole hate thing with LFC/ Man U is tragic, a bit more grace on both sides would be welcome but 20% of football fans are utter knobheads so it will continue. That said you've won enough so I wish you and your team all the worst for the future; enjoy Administration
As for your Mrs - please get her to stop fmailing me! I am taken!

MissChappo asks: If you could do it all again, would you choose the same job? If not, what would you do instead? And how is 'the experiment' going?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Probably not, nowt awful in being a family lawyer but it would have been nice to do things different - at least I don't work in IT - every other Fetchie seems to work IT!! The Experiment was giving up vegetarianism. It was a bit unpleasant at first, as I coped badly with the fat. But now I have lots more choices and an less of a burden to the world. I was a bit surprised about taste - things were blander than I thought. I am still shocked by the price of meat. I think I must have saved a fortune being veggie for 20 years plus. I love posh sausages.

oldbiddy asks: will you still love me tomorrow ??? xxx

BigChiefRunningBore says: Yes, but please return my special items I lent you - AND - recharge the batteries this time!

Night-owl asks: Congrats BCRB - Saying as you answered my first question guess i'll have to think of a second. Right what is you favourite bad food indulgance?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Ice cream - it's just the best thing in the whole world. Italian ice cream has to be the best. In fact it is so good there is no reason to consider it 'bad' at all.

threedrains asks: Your running performance seems to have improved to coincide with Kenny's arrival at Liverpool. Would you agree? And if so should I start supporting Barnsley?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Barnsley are doomed to be rubbish forever, but have a nice kit colours; so No is the answer there unless you want to live on pies. I have been sending Kenny training tips so everyone is happy except the bluenoses.

ChrisHB asks: Do share your thoughts on MAMILs and how best to treat them, on Fetch and in real life.

BigChiefRunningBore says: Mmm. There have been may crimes against good taste since the invention of lycra. Men of a certain age and above should take a long hard look in the mirror and realise what complete dicks they look. All tri-suits should be banned. It's not nice and nobody wants to see it. As for wimmin - the same applies Say NO To Camel Toe!

Naomi P asks: Race accessories - rank in order of most annoying: donut bottles, ipods, unnecessary jackets tied around waists, hydration packs, arm warmers, a bandolier of gels, all your club mates running arm in arm, footie kit, metronomes, full high altitude survival clothing and a pacer on a bicycle.
What do you think was the most important part of training for your sub 1:30 half and sub 3:15 mara PBs? (I think I know the answer, but you need a few serious questions in here...)
And how many Fetchies ears have you stuck your tongue in?

BigChiefRunningBore says: My list is :- ipods, full high altitude survival clothing, a pacer on a bicycle, footie kit, donut bottles (bigger than 0.5 litre), unnecessary jackets tied around waists, a bandolier of gels, all your club mates running arm in arm, metronomes, arm warmers, hydration packs.nut bottles.

Ears mmm..I think (in order) Dave B, Jock Itch, You, Enthus, anyone at post VLM Upstairs at Chandos 2010/2011, various Fetchie club mates. i.e. quite a lot. I blame the drink and end of long hair fashions.

As for getting to sub 1:30 and Sub 3:15 Pb's - thanks for asking a question about running.
First up is the training. Jan to March I ran more hard miles than before including a hard long mile session (half mile repeats); a tempo/interval session normally 4-5 miles at Half marathon-ish pace; and a hard long club run with faster-than-me runners - typically 10 miles. On top I ran a recovery and a LSR. I didn't train for the Half specifically. Before Jan I had a decent base of long miles to train off. Some one asked me why I was doing so much - the answer I have no talent and it all comes from flippin hard work, there are no shortcuts in your 40's. I kept it simple, the next step is to embrace the complexity. IMHO too many people rush to fill their heads with waffle about HRH / %'s / splits /880 repeats/ POSE/ Chi and any old crap. Just do the basics first. Learn about yourself and what you respond to, run and race and see what happens; then you can move up to fancy stuff.

Secondly the races themselves. Key thing is relaxation. Neither PB was a target race originally. I booked both in as training runs (actually Malta was just a booze up). My training went well so on the day I went for it. In fact at Malta Speedie and I were still debating whether to push for my PB at mile 15/16. The other element was being in the right place. In both races I got into the right pace zone in the race very early. This meant is was much easier to judge were I was on time without being glued to my watch; just track the other runners and gauge what you need to do to stick with them, push on past or drop back.

Thirdly, fun. Similar to the above but in a way it's real easy to forget this is all for fun. At Wokingham half I ran with an old friend for parts and at Malta I had some great company. My main memories of both events is the fun.

I owe a real debt to Speedie for Malta he really kept me on it in those last 5 miles. Speedie, I salute you and your short fat hairy legs!

Southcoastpete asks: Congrats Chiefy .So what was the better post race piss up this year, Brighton or VLM?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Well no contest there Pete. At Brighton 2011 we had the winner of the marathon in the pub, even if he did slope off to get drunk with his 'mates'.

RFJ asks: Big Congrats, well deserved.... so talking big piss ups etc, whats the largest amount of alochol consumed in one sitting before racing - and did it impair your performance..... or just your judgement.... if it bettered it, what was it and send it here....????

BigChiefRunningBore says: I think the biggest amount of booze was before Porto marathon. I wasn't racing it and only 'did a foreigner' for about 10 miles or so. NP had received a bottle of Port in her expo pack. As we had only carry on bags there was no option but to drink it. I think we drank over half before eating out with a beer and bottle of wine. They had beer and espresso at the start and beer at the finish and beer in pasta party! A Proper marathon! Other than that I have been quite well restrained on the booze front. The post 2010 VLM piss up will live long in the fog of my memory. Note punching each others abs is very wrong.

Lee Wren asks: congrats, can you help me out here, im 37 and have just started running again after 20 years of doing something else, how much longer can i expect to keep getting faster before old age stops me in my tracks? i'm not asking because i think your older than me, i have no idea how old you are

BigChiefRunningBore says: Well being MOTM I am imbued with all the knowledge of Fetch. In the mind meld with the Fetch main frame I have become one with the data, so here is my answer...
Ages dude ages. You have a cracking 10k time and no reason why you shouldn't kick on in the next couple of years, if you keep up the training. Set some 6 month, 12 month, 2 year goals. I tend to the opinion that once you have some sort of endurance you should work on short speed (up to 10k). Then you can re-build base miles and push on to longer stuff with confidence in your basic speed. Speed-endurance is damn hard work as are races were you commit from the gun. Now please send me £30.00 and state if you want a VAT receipt. I have no coaching qualifications.

Kittenheels Kath asks: Big congrats Chiefy (you're one of my very favourite Fetchies). What question would you really like to be asked for MOTM, and what's the answer to it?

BigChiefRunningBore says: My ideal question would be :- Can I send you all my spare cash?
Answer - why of course, and don't worry about my channel islands address, it's all above board and for the orphans.

FraserFud asks: What was the last fast food takeaway you consumed?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Oh lord *racks brains* I think it was coming back (or going up) the M6 at the Easter bank holiday. I think I had a Burger King Whooper Meal - For one bite it's OK then it gets worse. Afterwards I felt dirty.

IanS asks: Congratulations on the MOTM. Love the blog-rants - can we expect some more?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Me rant? No way I never rant. All my blog thoughts are concise, incisive and heartfelt. Occasionally I say too much. But you love it don't you you norty Fetchies you!

Loca asks: Congratulatons...about bloody time! I have won several races whilst carrying a donut bottle...would I win more/be faster if I didn't have it and therefore stopped at every water station or just got dehydrated instead?...oh and now you have mastered the marathon when are you doing an Ultra??

BigChiefRunningBore says: Man you can go a long way on dehydration. I love dehydration - the headaches, the brown wee, the sore muscles, the falling over, the nurses, the time off work, all of it!

No need to stop at water station - you need to practice technique. As you approach id water giver, look them in the eye, point at them, take the water, half choke on it, half spill down your front, throw cup into cupboard box (NOT the hedge - I hate that!), continue to feel thirsty.

Donut bottles are OK really so long as they aren't bigger than your head, as a rule of thumb (or rule of head?). My 'rant' against them is in the context of runs shorter races. There are runners who turn up expecting to cross a desert/ ice world when in fact they are running around St Albans - it's a) silly, and b) slowing them down, and c) showing a distinct lack of faith in their own ability and the ability of their body to cope with 6 miles of running. If you can't cope without 10 litres of water or ocean proof clothing Man Up or find another sport and / or do some training. If still worried purchase my book "How to Run like a B@stard" £10.99 P+P from www.bigchiefsmightybookshop.com
I doubt I will ever master the marathon. The marathon is a big fat spotty git as it's easy to believe that you could run say a mere 10 seconds a mile quicker. It feels like 10 seconds is nothing. But in a marathon that's massive. It's hard to think one could ever stop believing they have run their best marathon. I need to beat my PB as in my club the V60 record is better than my PB. 2012 is the year I might try an ultra - however I don't want to be wandering over dusty trails eating cake and sausage rolls talking to people dressed in Millets gear. I want to be able to race them or there is no point; if I need to see the country side I have a bike or I can walk.

Spally asks: Congrats BCRB What's been your favourite race to date and which has the most booziest?

BigChiefRunningBore says: oh tough one.
A Races that stands out for me is Robin Hood mara 2010 - running a Spartan - great fun - some dick thought I was Darth Vader.

Favourite race - The Autumn Challenge - this may sound like an advert for my club's race (on 13th November this year), but the Whippendale Woods and park are glorious in the Autumn. It's a tough 5 miler on XC lite trail; friends running, friends marshalling. In 2010 I was 6th and 1st V40.

RuthB2 asks: what have you learned about yourself since starting running?

BigChiefRunningBore says: After waiting 37 years I discovered I could get my body to do something half well and that I was no longer that slow uncoordinated kid that no body thought was worth encouraging or picking for a team

B-Lass asks: favourite ever run/race and why? When are you going sub 3 and would you ever give up the beer in order to achieve it? and finally a big congrats - well deserved! !! xx

BigChiefRunningBore says: Another favourite race for the beauty and sheer madness is the Great Langdale marathon - one of those races were by the finish you can't believe you actually got round in the time you did. You never want to do again but want to enter for next year at the same time.

Sub 3 is a distance dream like living on my own Tracey Island having become fabulously wealthy. Personally I don't think booze has too negative effect on running, for me. I think many people underestimate the calories in booze and hence never loose weight. Plus some people can't control their drinking and end up off their tits. Best time to get drunk is after a marathon - if you are going to feel ill it may as well be for as many reasons as possible and all at once, but do avoid punching your friends in the guts.

jacko asks: what is the 3rd law of motion

BigChiefRunningBore says: Forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal and opposite eg bbc.co.uk
zzzzzzzz

WatfordTim asks: I felt honoured to run with you on our club run last Weds and to be able to hear your wise words. Whose wise words to you run by? Apart from your own of course!

BigChiefRunningBore says: The mostest wise words were uttered by DJ Smashie, mate.

AndyWooHoo asks: congrats on a well deserved MOTM. If alcohol didn't exist, do you think you would be a faster runner? would you run at all?..

BigChiefRunningBore says: Perish the thought. I would have to invent it. As said before doesn't seem to make much difference - maybe the odd training day lost but that no big deal.

Karen T asks: Well done on MOTM. If you could train with one sportsperson (any sport) for a day who would you choose?

BigChiefRunningBore says: I would choose the cheesy obvious answer and go to pre season training with King Kenny and the boys. If unavailable I would get Jess Ennis to teach me the hurdles, whilst give her my long jump routine.

Argie asks: Well Done on MOTM, you deserve it. I don't want to ask stupid questions about pizza topping and therefore keeping it highbrow, I ask this... what establishment is the best purveyor of Pizza (to take away)?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Best pizza is usually local one run by Italians, avoid pizza from places such as Pizza Farm or Palace of Pizza or which has fliers featuring kebabs.

Best pizza is mushroom and olives.

controversial asks: Have you ever thought about being a writer? i am sure you could write some interesting fiction (not that your blogs are fiction!!). Also what has been your best running moment so far, and the one you are proudest off?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Me a Writer hahahaha - What would Mr Matthews my English teacher say ....

Best running moment was on my first marathon - Luton. It's three laps and on the first lap I was so proud I roared at a club mate who nearly dropped his camera. I was running a muddyfunkin marathon! Winning a 1st MV40 prize was pretty special too.

Comedycare asks: Has anyone ever died of boredom? Or better yet, has anyone ever actively bored anyone else to death? (Big fan,enjoy your blogs, gush gush etc)

BigChiefRunningBore says: Most of the people on Fetch will have been bored to death by now. Geez it might be on the news....

Fat Dave asks: Congratulations. Which is the best fruit, and why?

BigChiefRunningBore says: Apple - doh! An apple a day keeps the doctor away.