depression
241 watchers
Jan 2017
2:31pm, 18 Jan 2017
31,195 posts
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Nellers
Hi G. Sorry to read that about your son. I'm not qualified other than by having been through some of it myself but: Will his condition improve? Probably, for most of the time. But quite likely he'll always have (and possibly always had) a tendency to suffer with depression throughout his life. Meds: I've been on Anti-depressants for a bit over a year. I get no noticeable side-effects and I feel much better since I've been taking them. I don't see any good reason to stop. My experience, whilst not uncommon, isn't universal. It can depend on what meds he's prescribed and how he reacts to them. Some are more effective than others and some have more side-effect potential. If he reacts badly to whatever he's ben prescribed, though, encourage him to get back to the doc and try something different. The right meds definitely help but finding the right meds can be tricky. Sounds like you're already doing what you can to help. be there for him, listen when he wants to talk, give him space when he needs that, read up a bit on the symptoms and effects of the condition (and encourage him to do the same) so you can better understand what he's dealing with. And I'm with you totally on the "It's not fair!" bit. Why does it hit some and not others, some worse than others? Why do some recover quickly and others languish in the doldrums for much longer? All really good questions and unfortunately they're much better questions than any of the available answers. It comes down to "because it is" in a lot of cases. You'll find a lot of support on this thread, I'm sure. I hope your lad is back on top form soon mate. Take care. |
Jan 2017
2:47pm, 18 Jan 2017
26,291 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
Really appreciate the response Nellers. What lovely folk Fetchies are. Great to hear that meds are working well for you and can be very effective. That's encouraging. I def need to find out which ones, make sure he's ok on them and that he knows that he can and must go back to docs to alter them so that he ends up with ones that are working well. I've already had fmail from a Fetchie pal helping and am feeling better already that we can work through this thing to a positive outcome. You guys are tops. Any further advice and guidance gratefully received. Thanks.  G
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Jan 2017
3:38pm, 18 Jan 2017
1,130 posts
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Serendippily
I was given a prescription for meds but never cached it, cbt helped me and like nellers said I realised I was susceptible and had probably always been susceptible but what sets me off is not a given. It isn't fair why some suffer so much but I've wound up fervently grateful I don't suffer worse I hope your son ends up the same. Your son may be overwhelmed and need a break - his expectations of uni may be too different to reality - a little support and a little tenderness can really help. And don't be tempted to make it about you xx
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Jan 2017
3:48pm, 18 Jan 2017
95 posts
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Claypole
Hi HappyG Yes, sorry to hear about your son. Also not medically qualified to help. I have no experience of meds but do experience depression myself and our son is prone to depression and pretty dark periods. My own experience is that improvement is possible, in my own case with a lot of therapy to help me take responsibility for working out root causes. For me this has been truly wonderful - very enlightening. The depression hasn't gone but it has lost its power and comes for far more brief periods at the moment. I think this probably only really works if you want to be engaged in the therapy process and can vouch from others i know that it is not the only route to help. As regards my son, he's only 9 so I am not totally sure if I am doing the right thing with him but having experienced it myself, I find that validating him can help (with boundaries). We sought the help of a private psychologist re our son which really helped reinforce my own thoughts about him that in his case he needed anchors. He hates school and feels like a fish out of water when he is in school but is pretty switched on headwise. The anchors are turning out to be in the form of regular involvement in an environment that he excels in (which for him is a local Yu Gi Oh trading card club) Sounds like you are on the right track just now - like you, I think being able to love (both myself and my kids) unconditionally is a big one - must admit this proves to be is still the primary goal for me and my son:-) All the very best with it all Claypole |
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Jan 2017
4:58pm, 18 Jan 2017
26,293 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
Thanks so much for your responses. Gosh, there's a lot of warmth and caring in Fetchland. you guys are great. Good point Serendippily about not "making it about me". I do feel guilty that I may have (inadvertently) put pressure on him. It's so hard to draw the line between encouragement and pressure: to go to Uni, to continue at Uni, to complete his course work etc. I don't care if he's a brain surgeon or a cleaner, as long as he's happy. However, as you say, it's not about me. So the Uni is gone and it's just about getting him to a better place first and then identifying the best actions and treatments he can undertake. And I think he's done great already, as he referred himself to the doctor, got medication and has identified the problem and has taken the decision to come out of Uni. And I'm happy that he's on the path to being able to deal with his condition. Where he wants to go in his life in the future is a subject we'll tackle, well, in the future! Thanks again everyone. Fingers crossed and I'll keep you posted. G
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Jan 2017
6:46pm, 18 Jan 2017
9,689 posts
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Liliaicha
Just be there for him. If you don't suffer from it yourself then it can be almost impossible to understand. Both my godsons have suffered in the past (14 & 16) and I think the most important thing for them was being able to talk to their parents and knowing they were there. I even had a chat with them, just so they knew someone who suffered too, but also I could tell them that things could and would get better, but it was impossible to say when. Don't be frightened of medication. It helps so many people, although sometimes it takes a few tries to find out which one is most suitable. (I shake and throw up with Seroxat, but took Fluoxetine and Citalopram quite happily for months) Try to understand that there is not always a 'reason' for depression. Sometimes you are just depressed, and sometimes things can send you into depression. Sometimes counselling helps, sometimes it doesn't. It can be the not knowing that is the worst thing. Not knowing if or when you'll feel better, if you do feel better not knowing how long that feeling will last, not knowing if the medication is working, not knowing when to come off the medication, not knowing if talking about will help etc etc. It's awful. The thing is, we're all different. We all find our own ways to cope/deal/suffer in silence. Sometimes we want to hide under the duvet and cry, sometimes we want to go out for a run, sometimes we want to drink a bottle of wine and forget about it for a while. We get better. I'm 18 months off medication and I try to control my situation myself. I stay away from stressful jobs, groups of people, parties, work dos, large family gatherings etc etc anything that will set me off, have me worrying etc etc. Tell people! Don't be ashamed. I didn't want to go to my SIL's 40th party and the mere thought of going had me sinking down, stressing out. In the end I confessed to my brother and the relief was incredible as was the understanding from them both. We're here to help, and answer your questions - although you'll probably get many many different answers. We've all been there, and many of us have come out fine
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Jan 2017
7:01pm, 18 Jan 2017
22,024 posts
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HellsBells
Happy - we are in a similar position, but as it's not my story to share to any large extent, I'll drop you an fmail later this evening.
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Jan 2017
7:23pm, 18 Jan 2017
877 posts
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beebop
Liliacha is quite right that people can have very different reactions to meds - seroxat for me was terrible, but a friend thinks of it as a lifesaver, so it's not a good idea to accept the first thing you're given and persist in it, as I did. It's easy to make bad decisions when depressed. Exercise can help a lot, but it's hard to find the belief that you deserve to get better when you're depressed, which can mean that anything helpful (seeing friends, exercise, looking after yourself, eating) will be neglected. I was depressed through most of my first degree, and took two years out: it helped. I wish your son the best.
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Jan 2017
8:41pm, 18 Jan 2017
6 posts
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sunburnt
Meds - after being prescribed my fifth cocktail of drugs I joked with the Dr that the medical profession was playing dartboard prescribing with me - they all seemed useless. Then they got it right and my life was changed. Ups and (very deep) downs still happen but overall life is so much easier. All I can offer is my experience - hang in there, if things get worse they can always get better. Good luck to your son and you.
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Jan 2017
9:04am, 19 Jan 2017
26,298 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
Lily, bebop, HB, sunburnt - thanks so much for your input esp about meds. He said the name of it last night and it was either Citalopram or Sertraline, I think. I didn't want to ask him to repeat. He's feeling pretty woozy on it. It's day 3. I've done some googling (dangerous) and I see increased suicide risk as a noted side effect within the first 2-4 weeks. Really useful though to have the steer to go back to docs regularly if there are any concerns about the effectiveness or side effects and be prepared to change the product. Seeing him tomorrow and he'll stay with us for a couple of days, which will be brilliant. Then he'll be going back to his Mum's so I think at least he'll be safe. Thanks again all. Some top tips, helpful reassurance and most of all just some friendly support. Thanks guys. You're tops. G
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