What is a numpty?
A numpty is anyone who starts a running event unrealistically close to the front of the field. The category includes both the ‘blaze of glory’ numpty who sets off at a ridiculous pace, before suddenly deciding it is time to start walking within the first two miles, coming to a shuddering unexpected halt in front of others in full flow and the ‘steady eddy’ numpty whose pace and starting position mean that they just act like a moving chicane, generally oblivious or uncaring about the tide of runners who did stand in the right place who are trying to get past them to make a decent start. Generally the ‘blaze of glory’ numpty is dangerous to only the few who happened to be directly behind them, whereas the ‘steady eddy’ type affects everybody and is made even more frustrating by their tendency to congregate in pairs, triples and even larger packs, hence blocking a sizeable proportion of the width of the road.
How to avoid a numpty
The easiest way to avoid numpties is to avoid large crowds. Numpties congregate in Big City events, particularly anything with the word ‘Great’ in the title and in events organised by charities. If you really want to minimise the numpty problem stick to events organised by running clubs, with fields of less than 1,000. There will probably still be a few numpties around, but few enough to not cause any problems.
One way to avoid numpties completely is by taking up fell running and not run any road events ever again. Never seen a numpty on the fells and chances are that if one did turn up, they might never been seen or heard from again.
However, if you do find yourself in a numpty heavy event, the best way to avoid numpties is to be aware of them, spot them early and keep your wits about you in those first two miles.
So how do you spot numpties? Here are a few tell-tale signs that suggest numptiness.
Numbers pinned to their back.
If you can see someone’s number ahead of you – look out! There is a reasonable chance that the number will be heading towards you at an alarming rate.
Layers of clothing
Some numpties either don’t realise how much you warm up when running or they aren’t willing to put up with the few minutes of getting cold prior to running at a race start. Either way, they tend to wear far more than the conditions require. If you see someone with some form of fleecy top, or grey jogging bottoms, you could well be looking at a numpty.
Size
Without being too indelicate, heavy people generally run slower than skinny people. Or to put it the more indelicate way, if you have trouble seeing past someone, you will have trouble running past them and may well find yourself needing to. NB do not confuse trouble seeing over, with trouble seeing past.
Being equally conscious of delicacy, pay great attention to people with their hair in ponytails, generally female but occasionally not. Do not pass too closely as they tend to "flick" their hair from side to side and in the words of *Harold*, they may "take your eye out"
Charity t-shirts/vests – in groups
Someone in a charity t-shirt or vest may well be quick, but as soon as you see two or more of the same charity top congregating together – beware This could well be a sign of congregating numpties. Especially if the t-shirts look pink or have pink writing on them etc – then bedoublyware.
Headbands
As in those worn by celebrities in their keep fit DVDs. Numpties often think it's the gear that makes you run faster. The more trendy fad gear, the numptier.
Numpties! How to spot and avoid them
 |
SummaryA numpty is anyone who starts a running event unrealistically close to the front of the field. So what are the best ways to spot and avoid numpties?This article is owned by WildeRover |
| Recent Updates | User | Comments |
|---|---|---|
| Oct 2010 | Dai Bank | Updated after having seen such a possibility while dishing out jelly babies. |
| Oct 2010 | WildeRover | |
| Oct 2010 | WildeRover | |
| Oct 2010 | Che dragon | |
| Oct 2010 | WildeRover | Article created |